Of Little Consequence?

I just left a leadership class in which we are studying from a book called "The Servant".  We missed a class due to snow, so the teacher rushed through this little bit at the end to get us back on track.

He began with a quote, "What you believe is of little consequence.  The only thing of consequence is what you do."  By someone I don't remember.  He followed with another quote, "You are more likely to act yourself into a feeling than you are to feel yourself into an action."  And furthermore he ended with a quote, "A thought forms an action, an action a habit, a habit a destiny."  (I am probably slightly misquoting all three of these).

The students "amen"-Ed that first one, agreed with the second one and really "ooh"-ed and "ahh"-ed that last one.

I cringed the entire time.  Your beliefs are of little consequence?!  Yikes!  If you've read any of my earlier posts, you'd know I continuously emphasize how our beliefs are the basis for all of our actions.  

Saying that your beliefs are of little consequence but only your actions are of great consequence is like saying that the roots of a tree is of little consequence, only the part that's above ground is. Or like the captain of the Titanic saying the underneath of an iceberg is of little consequence, only the part above water is.  Or it is like a builder saying that the foundation of a building is of little consequence; only the building itself is what matters...

I propose that every action you commit is based entirely on what you believe; not what you claim to believe, or what people tell you to believe, but what you actually believe deep down.  To say that actions make you who you are is backwards.  

Your actions may be the only way for others to judge who they think you are, but things are not always what they seem.  A child frustrated at his parents for keeping him from doing what he wants doesn't see that they are protecting him.  Are they really oppressors as he sees them?  Is a dating couple having sex simply because they are alone together?  Is a pregnant woman a fornicator because she isn't married?  Man only sees actions, so he judges others based on it.  But God sees the heart.  If anyone knows who you are, it's Him.

Strictly psychologically speaking, actions do affect your attitude.  I am not negating this fact by saying actions come from beliefs.  There are instances when what we believe is proven wrong when we do the opposite of what we believe, but we STILL act out of hope that we are wrong.  For example: a man might be afraid of intimacy, and believe that if he reveals his inner self that people will reject him, but when he steps out and opens himself up to a good woman or to good friends, he realizes that he was wrong, and that there are some who won't reject him.  But he opened up because he believed or hoped that maybe he was wrong.

Or perhaps you're in a bad mood and you don't want to do anything, but someone suggests you go work out at the gym.  If you agree to do it, it's because you believe that it might put you in a better mood, or at least that its good for you.

When people do what they are told and disagree with what they are doing, they at least believe in some way that doing this thing will make their lives easier or will honor those telling them to do it.

Is it possible for an action to NOT begin in belief?  If you can think of a scenario, please comment.

Yes, your actions have consequences... But they began from your beliefs.  Coughing may have made my voice scratchy, but it was the virus that made me sick and cough that ultimately caused it. Why would I cough if I didn't have an itch in my throat?  Why would you do anything if you didn't have a reason to do it?  Even subconsciously?

The last quote, "a thought forms an action," and so on... It totally contradicts the first one!  In our minds is where it all starts.  People like to separate things that are intrinsically connected.  Actions are not disconnected from beliefs.  By separating the two, they are limiting their understanding and essentially only treating the scratchy throat symptoms rather than treating the virus itself.  Not that thoughts and beliefs are viruses, haha, but that they are the cause and the actions are the effect.

Ironically, earlier in the class the teacher asked us what we are passionate about, and I responded.  My passion is to help people build healthy foundations of belief.  This essentially affects what we do and the choices we make.  Our beliefs determine our actions, which determine the quality of our lives.  But that premise crumbles under the idea that beliefs are of little consequence.  Simply trying to change a habit is difficult, and often people revert to that habit in times of stress and strain.  And often difficult is changing a belief.  But once the belief is changed, the actions naturally change with it.

Sometimes changing a habit can cause beliefs to change.  But until that belief is changed, I don't consider it a true change.

And that's why I cringed.  I never did like taking pain killers...

Your vineyard.

Dark am I... daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect. Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends? (Song of Solomon 1:5-7 NIV)

I recently heard an interpretation of this scripture that I had never heard; one that spoke directly to my heart.

The mother represents the church, and the sons, the leaders of it.  The woman had spent all her time tending other fields--their vision--but had neglected her own, and she was dark, not in complexion, but in spirit.  She was tired and empty.  And then she asks the question, why should I be like this?

In my case, "what is the point of this?"

What is the point of merely working and serving the church when your own heart is brushed to the side?  You do not glorify God wasting away, being miserable.  You do not fulfill the purpose God created you for if you're merely some other person's puppet, neglecting your own life.

Later on in the scripture, the woman comes up out of the desert, leaning on the arms of her lover, and soon after has many of her own vineyards.  She did nothing but lean on Him and her life bore fruit and multiplied.

I am leaning on Him because that is my last option.  That is all I have.  Everything else is pure misery.  It is vanity.  It is useless.  I am in love with my maker.

Salvation: gift vs. reward

Beware the man who believes he's overcome sin by his own sheer will, desire, and determination.  He believes that his self-discipline, his growing character, his learning of Biblical truth, his doing of good deeds, his careful study, and his hunger and thirst for righteousness---with the help of the Holy Spirit; with some added strength given to him by the Holy Spirit--has procured victory over sin.

He believes salvation is his responsibility, and sees it as a reward for his good deeds, or at least a reward for his right desires/will.

If he sees he has overcome certain sins, he is either, 1) noticing the work that Christ has done in him and is taking credit for it, or, 2) the sin has taken on a new form and he no longer recognizes it.  His praise to God is an effort to prove himself righteous and holy in God's sight.

He does not rely on Christ, though he may think he does.  He teaches others that their desire for righteousness is what pleases God, and what get's God's attention.  He teaches that their lifestyle and their choices will determine their level of righteousness, or that it will determine their standing with God.  His sermons are full of exhortations to repent and do good, and advice on how to go about doing it.  They are full of challenges to be better and do better.  They are motivational but bear temporary fruit.

This man is always striving and eventually gets tired. The grace of God will always renew him, however he suffers much damage and has the potential to damage others merely by his oppressive, sin-focused doctrine.  His heart is heavy and full of sorrows; sorrows for the sin in his own life, and for the sin in others'.  What he mostly sees in others is their failures, because he is consumed by his own sense of failure.  The leaders in his ministry who adopt his teachings are hyper-motivated to do good deeds, but this motivation is guilt-driven, and full of striving to measure up, and they eventually burn out.  They become scarce and hesitant to volunteer.  They don't stick around for very long because their own strength does not last.


Victory over sin can only be accomplished by Christ.  The man who realizes this, and merely accepts that he did nothing to accomplish it except to receive it by the grace of God, is the one who truly experiences freedom from sin.  He knows that any good he has ever done was Christ acting through him.  This man can truly proclaim victory over sin in all humility.

He realizes that salvation is a gift, not a reward for good deeds.

If he sees he has overcome sin, he knows that Christ alone has done it, which causes him to feel profound gratitude and appreciation towards God.  His praise to God is deep, heartfelt, refreshing, ecstatic, spiritually charged, and often leading to mystical experiences.  He cannot see God as anything other than wonderful.

This man relies on Christ alone for his character, his self-discipline, his understanding, his doing good deeds, and his desires.  Christ does not give him strength, but IS his strength.  He may look like the first man in all respects, but he is truly free.  He teaches others that their righteousness does not come from their thoughts or their actions or their choices, but that Christ is their righteousness and therefore their standing with God will never change.  He never questions whether or not he is worthy of favor or whether or not he has spiritual authority because he knows that he himself did not generate his own worth, nor did he generate his own authority, but that his worth and authority are in Christ.  His sermons are always about Christ.  They always point to what Christ has done and who He is.  He is not focused on sin, though he may struggle from time to time, because he knows the responsibility of taking away sin falls on Christ (John 1:29).

He enjoys God fully because he's not tired or burned out.  He hasn't been fighting against sin out of his own strength, but has been trusting God to take care of it.  He hasn't been focused on his own performance, which leads to condemnation, but is focused on God's performance, which leads to confidence.  He's been resting in the truth of God's word and has been experiencing true joy.  He doesn't need to prove anything to God or to anyone else, because He identifies himself as a son of God.  

He's no longer focused on fixing himself and is freed up to enjoy the deeper things of God.  He knows the truth, which has set him free.

Is Worship a War? Pt. 2

When I was younger, I remember a song called "Fight Thru Praise".  It actually helped me get past all my distractions in worship.  At that time, it was a challenge to get through all my defenses and really express my heart to God. Perhaps it was good for me at the time, but I want to talk about the dangers of getting into this mindset that worship is a fight.

1.) Fighting through "distractions".  For one, when I would go into prayer or worship, the first thing on my mind were all the small concerns of the day; what am I going to make for lunch, when will I get my chores done, how will I get all my tasks done... Or more serious ones like, "is my friend's mom going to make it through this cancer?" Or, "how will her family deal with this?" Etc.  maybe I was dealing with emotional problems; depression, anger, frustration, feelings of loneliness... Maybe even guilt or sin issues.  I used to think that all these were things the devil was bringing up to distract me from God.  And so my goal was to fight through them and get to a place in my mind in which I was only focused on Jesus.  Even recently when I led worship at a small church singing mostly hymns, I used to tell the congregation to put all their worries and concerns of the day aside and to put their focus on God.  This in itself is not necessarily wrong.

Interestingly enough, John Crowder says that these things that come up aren't from the devil, they are from God.  He talks about this either in his video about music (http://youtu.be/WDVuMjOzqiU) or his video about prayer (http://youtu.be/yVBGQk_9ZzI). I can't remember which, but both videos are excellent.

From God?  God is purposely distracting me from worshiping him?!  What?  John Crowder says that He's bringing these things up to remind you that he's going to take care of them.  God cares about what you care about, down to the smallest detail.  So in those moments, rather than fight through them, just put them in God's capable hands.  It's a time to place our trust in Him.  Then we can move on to a much more clear-headed state of worship! 

In a sense, you would be putting them aside, but not to deal with later; to let God deal with them.  He's going to do that anyway; there's no need to stress about them.

So in fighting through them I was only creating more trouble for myself.  If you find yourself distracted from worship by your daily concerns, give those things to God.  It's so much better than trying to deal with them on your own.

2.) Fighting through sin / Striving.  In all my years being a leader in ministry, I've never seen one person gain victory over their weaknesses by focusing on overcoming sin.  Not one!  If they overcome one thing, they only realize it's gotten worse; it's hidden itself and reared its ugly head in other, more complicated ways (look at the Jews.  They would stop worshiping idols for a while, but then later on, there they go again, and five times worse!).  I've tried to help people overcome sin.  I've told them all the advice, shown them the consequences, pointed out things they can't see.  Nothing helped. You can't overcome your sin, and I can't help you.

Only Christ can overcome sin, and only when trust-falling into Him will He melt your sin away.  When I say melt, I don't mean he will forgive it.  That's a given.  He already forgave you by dying on the cross in the first place.  I'm talking about taking it away from you so that you never do it again, and you never struggle with it again.  Christ melts it away with such ease, there's no fight.  Trusting God is the most passive "action" you can take to combat sin.  It's practically inaction.  It is simply a realization; a knowing; a quiet confidence that Christ has already overcome sin for you.  With him, your sinful nature died.  It's gone.  Everything is set up to trick you into believing that it will always be there...

In part one of this blog, I mentioned that when we're always focused on our part in worship, we get into a striving mentality.  I think people feel that their worship makes them more pleasing to God; more acceptable in His sight.  What they don't know is that they are pleasing to God already.  People think that what we are doing makes us more holy.  They don't realize that Christ is our holiness.  If there was some way I could make myself holy or righteous by sheer will and determination, Jesus would never have had to die on a cross for me.  Striving implies that we are trying to make ourselves holy for God.  But that is impossible.  It's the other way around; Christ makes us holy by His spirit dwelling in us.   Striving is a battle that lasts as long as you believe you can achieve holiness over time.

A sin-focused believer acts like a sinner.  A Christ-focused believer acts like Christ.

When worship music is focused on God and who He is, real worship happens.  That's the stuff I want to be a part of.

I tend to get frustrated because when real worship starts taking off, someone always brings the focus back to us by saying something cliche like, "just tell God how much you love Him," or, "Let everything we do be pleasing unto you.", or "God we invite you into this place," (as though he hasn't been here all this time) or, "just press in," (what does that mean, anyway?).  People even like to remind us of our shame, "God, we are so unworthy of you, we are such sinners, and yet you love us.  Even at our worst, you love us..."  There they go bringing the focus back to what we can do, or how terrible we are...  Can't we just focus on God for a while?

There's nothing wrong with telling God you love him, or getting into worship in an active way.  There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that he loves us despite our worst moments.  My issue is focus.  Am I looking at myself, or am I looking at God?  Am I worshiping my own desires, or am I worshiping the object of my desires?  Am I trying to impress God with my good behavior, or am I impressed by God?  Realize that everything you have gained physically and spiritually was bought, paid for, and given to you by Christ.  Even your faith has been given to you (Rom 12:3).  Even your good deeds are Christ working through you.  You can't take an ounce of credit.  All your efforts to be holy have been in vain.  You're already holy through Christ (I can't say that enough!).

Here's another danger of the "fight the war of worship" mentality:

3.). Giving Satan too much credit.  He might be active during worship, sure!  If you think he is, rebuke him and then focus on God.  You don't have to engage in some sort of fight against him.  You have control of your own mind.  Don't get into thinking that Satan has one ounce of sway over you.  He has no right to you no matter how sinful you were last week (or your whole life). And you have authority over him because of Christ, not because you read your Bible every day and were faithful in your devotions.  Not because you have several years of ministry under your belt.  Not because you've racked up a bunch of spiritual points by doing good deeds.  Not because you're a pastor or a missionary.  Our actions have nothing to do with our authority.  It is our right as heirs to Christ's throne.  It is our identity. [see my post about how action does not define identity]  If you are a believer, you automatically have authority over the enemy through Christ.  Who are we as believers to think that our actions have earned us (or lost us) one ounce of spiritual authority?  People who get into that mindset are fooled by the enemy. 

Satan likes to make us think he has legal jurisdiction over us because of that one sin or the fact that we haven't picked up the Bible in two weeks.  He wants us to forget our identity as heirs to the throne of Christ.  Being an heir means that we have the same authority that Jesus has.  The only way Satan can get a "foothold" as they say, is by getting you to believe a LIE about who God is and who you are in Christ!  Sin has nothing to do with it.  Sin gives him NO jurisdiction or foothold whatsoever.  Satan only has as much power over you as you believe he does.  So if he can get you to believe he has power over you, then he can do damage.  The battle against Satan has already been won, my friend.  If you're fighting with him, you've been duped.

Here's another one:

4.) Getting into the mindset that our will is always in opposition to God.  This goes hand in hand with striving, but this is more about how we view God.  This can get us thinking that in order to worship Him, we have to fight.  This is simply not true.  It may be the case if we are ignorant of the truth; ignorant of who we are and who God is.  The more you get to know God, the more you want what He wants; the more you think the way He thinks.  Your desires transform into His.  Then you actually enjoy doing His will because its something you want to do.  If I'm told that my will is always going to be in opposition to God, that will hinder me from truly experiencing Him, or it will take an hour of fighting through my own will before I can get to His... 

This mindset did hinder my relationship with Him!  I thought that my whole life was going to be one loathsome event after another, one fight against my will after another.  I couldn't trust God!  Why would I trust someone who is always going to make me do things I don't want to do?  For someone who was emotionally controlled as a young girl, and then mistreated by spiritual leaders as a young adult, I started to think that maybe God was just like those abusive people in my life; always making me uncomfortable and feel terrible about myself.  But that's just not who He is. 

And then, what about when my will DOES align with His?  I'll think that desire is sinful!  Our own selves are not always going to be our worst enemies.  Your will is not in constant opposition to God.  People call it the "flesh".  They say you'll struggle against it for the rest of your life.  Let me tell you something you might not have heard: your flesh died with Christ on the cross.  We have been crucified with Christ and we [our sinful nature; flesh] no longer live, but Christ lives in us!  Your sinful nature is dead, my friend.  Why fight with something that is merely a memory of what used to be?  It's not you anymore.  And it never really was your identity to begin with.



All these are problems that stem from a wrong view of who God is, and who we are in Christ.  And these wrong views affect us in every way.  Most importantly, they affect our relationship with God, which, in turn, affects how we worship Him.  An like I said in part 1, the truth will set us free.

Is Worship a War?

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/modern-worship-music-wars

A friend of mine recently posted this article from Relevant Magazine.
 
In a nutshell, it talks about how the "war on worship" has died down from being a debate on whether we should sing the Old Hymns or Modern Worship music, to simply a subtle barrage of nit-picky complaints.  Miller describes them, "The volume is either too loud, or not loud enough. The lighting is either too bright or not bright enough; too showy or too bland." etc.

His main point is that we should not look at church or worship as something that must meet our preferential standards, but rather we should approach worship based on the truth of who God is.

Indeed, it is a mark of maturity when one can overcome the technicalities of the music (lighting, volume, style, etc.) and just worship God for who He is.

As his final statement, he describes worship as war, "So the next time you go to church and the music is too loud, or the leader is singing that song you don’t like, go to war. Fight against the sin at work within yourself. Fight against consumerism and disunity. Fight for a grateful heart. Fight for the truth to captivate you in a way music never could. Fight to stand in awe of a mighty God who rescued you and graciously sings over you.  Fight the true war of worship."

Beautiful words.  Yet I feel it only touches the surface of what is really going on.  I have concluded that there are two deeper issues at work on this subject.

Miller hit on part of the first issue.  He mentioned personal pride [nothing is ever good enough for me].  He says we must fight against it.  But saying that is like taking a pain-killer when you are sick: you're only treating a symptom.  The deeper issue is self-condemnation.  It is almost always masked as pride (the other extreme of the same problem would be false humility: always thinking too lowly of oneself.  Both pride and false humility can co-exist in one person).  The answer comes from how we view God and knowing the truth of how He views us.

Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus".  God does not condemn us, nor does he choose to love us based on our "good" behavior.  He simply loves us.  He simply accepts us for who we are.  But often we tend to feel that our relationship with Him is dependent on our behavior.  It's easy to do since we associate our human relationships with Him (especially our parental ones).  We may have been created in His image, but He is God and not man (Hosea 11:9), and the metaphor breaks down on so many levels.  Human relationships help us to understand God, but they are so limited in that respect.  When you truly understand the nature of your oneness with God, condemnation disappears.  Then the "nothing is good enough for me" mentality also begins to disappear.

The second problem is the wrong or misleading theology communicated by worship music.  Going back to the age-old Hymns vs. Modern music debate, if you read through a hymnbook, you'll find that hymns are choc-full of deep and rich theology.  The bulk of today's worship music is all about our experience, and feeling God. For the most part, it lacks the juicy truth.  Good and true theology always leads to the deepest worship, and I think that our beloved hymn singers can feel that.  They just can't always pinpoint what exactly is bothering them so they point to the music, or the lights, or the look on the worshiper's face.

I do this all the time.  Something bothers me and so I feel off, but I can't put my finger on it because it's a subconscious thought, so I try to describe it by pointing at surface things.  Usually my heart knows what's off before my mind does.  Until I've really stopped and analyzed (or prayed about) the source of my disturbed feelings, I can only guess what is wrong.  I have talked to many elders who still feel that the hymns are the best because of the truth that is expressed within them, even though they have accepted the new style of worship.

Let's face it, a lot of our worship music (I say "our" because I am in the "modern music" generation) is focused on our desires and our actions and our commitment to God.  We find ourselves singing things like, "I will worship you," and "I have decided to follow Jesus" (I know that last one is a hymn.  Some hymns fall under this category), "I just want to be where you are"... all beautiful expressions.  But when the focus is always on us, we've missed the point.  We start to get into this mode of striving.  "I will do this," and "I will do that" or, "purify me," and, "draw me close to you,".  Then there's the ever famous, "Here I am to worship".  Me, myself, and I!  Don't get me wrong, I love to sing these on occasion.  But I am kinda tired of worship being a time of self-reflection, looking at myself and all my failures and trying so hard, making all kinds of promises to make my life pleasing to God.  We get so focused on our desire to be righteous.  Martin Luther called this the "Idol of the Will"

Don't even get me started on the songs that ask God (or the Holy Spirit) to "come", or that welcome Him into His own house.  Would you invite your dad to his own house as if he didn't own it already?  Furthermore, God owns me.  Why would I have to continuously invite The Holy Spirit into my soul, one for whom He has already paid for with His blood?!  I don't invite my husband into our house because it's OUR house!  Okay, I have to step off of that soapbox...  Simply read my earlier blogs for more on this because I constantly talk about it.  It drives me insane.  Every other opening worship song is this long, drawn out plea for God's presence to "come into this place".  It's as though people have no idea that the Bible says He's always with us (actually, He lives IN us).  I used to sing this stuff all the time (and still do out of respect for worship leaders and Christians around me).  I've finally realized the futility of it.  (I am stepping down for real this time)... But the truth is when we finally "feel" His presence, it's not that He suddenly entered the room, it's that we finally came to an awareness of His presence... gah... okay, stepping down...

Ironically, when the theology of the worship is right, people are pulled out of their prideful nitpicking anyway.  Some people may be just that stubborn, but let me tell you, even here at North Central, the biggest response in worship always comes from a song full of good theology.

I have been taught that worship is a lifestyle.  But it is more than that; more than a series of life choices towards righteousness or a relationship with God.  I now believe worship is a revelation.  Only through a revelation of who God is will true, deep worship result.  This revelation comes from the Holy Spirit Himself.

And if it is a revelation, it is not a fight.  If it is a war, it is not worship.  We need only ask for new revelation.

When you know who He is, you can't help but be in awe.  Then you will see that He is irresistible, trustworthy, loving, gracious, wise, hilarious, beautiful, interesting, witty, smart, dynamic, fun, caring, considerate, and interested in your well-being.  You'll see that He is utterly in love with you.  And you will see that He accepts you; all of you.  Knowing these things, and I mean truly knowing them, causes worship to happen at random (gotta love those moments of laughter, rolling on the couch at home).

"How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!" (Psalms 139:17)

We can talk about fixing our attitudes and our behavior, but that will only have us running in circles.  Those are surface issues; symptoms, if you will.  The truth is what we need.  And the truth will set us free.

Is Love a Verb?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elad-nehorai/i-didnt-love-my-wife_b_3908956.html

A man named Elad Nehorai posted the above article on Wednesday and a friend of mine posted the link on Facebook.  I am always curious to find out what people say about God, love, and faith... so I read it.

Elad relays a concept that I've heard echoing throughout my life from various sources.  My favorite source is DC Talk's "Love Is A Verb."  It's a cheesy 90's song, but it was one of my favorites when I was young.  I knew every DC Talk song by heart.

Elad titles his article, "I Didn't Love My Wife When We Got Married."  This caught my attention because I've heard one other person say that: a youth pastor whom I know and love.  When he would preach, he'd often talk about the time when his dad told him, "You don't love her yet" while he was dating his now wife.  He would always go on to say that he realizes now that he didn't truly love her then, at least compared to his love now.  And that always led into a teaching to the high-schoolers about how they don't truly love each other yet... I wasn't one of the youth he was preaching to--I was one of his leaders--and so I always considered the impact of what he said on the students he taught.  Something about that teaching always bothered me, though I couldn't say what it was at the time.

And I can't tell that pastor, "well, yes you did love her," because maybe he really didn't.  However, he often told the story of the first time he saw her in a romantic way and explained that she was suddenly the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, even though he'd seen her every day before and thought she was a little strange.  I believe this was the love of God for her made manifest in him.

Being the "how can I apply this to my life" type of person, I could never accept that idea (that he didn't love her then).  Why would I marry someone who "thought" they loved me?  Ugh.  How depressing is that?  And how can a person reduce a young person's love to being "not really love" simply because it's immature or naive?  What a way to disqualify and belittle these peoples' feelings!

I loved my husband before I even started dating him.  And it wasn't a romantic love either.  I loved who he was.  I admired his character and his intellect, respected his standards, appreciated his helpful attitude, was concerned for his well-being, enjoyed his personality, and laughed at his humor.  We were good friends (we still are) and we worked together on a worship (music) team.  I didn't see him in a romantic way for the first three years of our friendship.  It was literally on one night that my eyes were opened to feelings for him.  He told me I was beautiful and it felt like those words shot straight into my soul.  Other men (fathers, brothers, friends, even boyfriends) have told me the same thing, but this was different.  And the first year of our relationship I was in the clouds; MADLY in love with him.  I did stupid and crazy things just to be with him, and he did the same.  I couldn't stand being away from him.  Those feelings were insanely strong.  There were times when we just looked into each other's eyes and I felt like my soul was bursting with bliss.  We dated for two weeks and I told him I loved him.  And I had no doubt that I loved him because I knew I loved him before this infatuation.

I will admit that, yes, those feelings have toned down.  They toned down before we got married.  We went through a lot of hardships and times that put strain on our relationship.  We dated for three years because of things that stopped us from being able to get married (long distance, controlling leaders who put impossible standards on us, work, school...).  And so when we got married, we were happy because we could be together all the time uninterrupted and un-judged.  We were still good friends, even when sometimes we didn't feel tangible romance.

Perhaps it was true for Elad; that he didn't have love for his wife before they married.  Perhaps it was just infatuation.  Maybe he loved the idea of having a wife...  Whatever the case may have been, I cannot argue with his title statement.  Not everyone is blessed to be able to marry their best friend.  But I feel that defining love as a verb is a belittling statement.

Love is so much more than merely an action.

Of course I love my husband at all times, despite my mood, so I can agree with him that love is more than just an emotion.  But I say it is more than just an action.   

If it is only a verb, then what is it at rest? If we reduce love to an action we rob it of its fullness. Action is a result of love, but it is not love itself. (the same goes for faith: faith is belief and trust more than it is action. Without belief and trust, you have no faith) Action is at the surface of love, maybe even a perpetuation of it.  But then what is intimacy?  Is it action?  Not necessarily.  It can be as simple as a nap on the couch together.  It is restful and not work, or a conscious choice one has to make.  It's a natural occurrence flowing from love.  Intimacy is where its at: connection and oneness.  Feelings are essential to love.

Let me take it even deeper.  

Love is a person: God is love. 

Without God, there is no love.  I think it is a gift from God, and He enables even the godless to love.  But love is so much less than what it is without God being at the center of it.

God showed us his love by sending Christ, but He loved us before he proved it. I loved Dustin before I committed my life to caring for him. Now our favorite times are just sitting together and relaxing. Yes I feel loved when he serves me.  Yes, it is fulfilling to serve him, but that is only part of it.  If he only served me, something would be missing.  I am glad that Elad has discovered that serving his wife cultivates in himself a deeper love for her.  But if I could encourage him, I'd tell him, "there's so much more!"  Love causes us to enjoy people in the best possible way.

And since God is love, let me tell you something: some of the best, most intimately fulfilling sex I've had with my husband has been while we were worshiping God (at home, of course... or after coming home from a time of deep worship). When I am focused on the Lord, my relationship with my husband is deep and fulfilling, not to mention super-hot.

Love is so much more than an action. 

God Is Welcome?

I was on Pinterest the other day when I saw a pin (a picture) of a painted wooden sign.  On it was the quote, "Christ is the center of our home, a guest at every meal, a listener to every conversation."  It was rustic and classy-looking with the distressed paint look--dark background with white capital letters; quite a design piece for any room.

I commented on the pin.  I couldn't resist!  "I think this is sweet, but the guest part implies that he doesn't live there."

The "pinner" replied that it was a way of saying He's always welcome, but that she had never thought of it that way.

I want to discuss this at length; this verbal placement of Christ, "you are welcome."

I've subtly brought this up a few times in various groups of Pentecostal people and I have often heard a similar response.  The response is to the effect of, "It is a healthy way of maintaining an open attitude towards God."  It's a way of letting Him know that we are willing and ready, and that He's welcome to do anything He wants, or welcome to be with us at all times.

While I don't think this is necessarily sinful, I think this language is detrimental to one's faith.  Words like, "guest," and "welcome," paint a picture of God looking in from the outside.

I believe a family who hangs that quote on their wall probably feels this is such a radical way to remind ourselves of His presence.  One could intend for this to make Him seem more real in our lives.  But I propose that it does remind us of His presence, but in a way that is half truth, half lie.  The Bible presents God in a much different way.

The Bible says that God knows the number of hairs on our heads.  While, to me, this always seemed like a random fact for God to know, I realize that it means something very significant.  It means that He is concerned with every cell of our bodies: each new hair, and each hair that has fallen.  It implies constant attention to detail.  

If you've ever painted a portrait, like me, you'd know that staring at a person's face is a very intimate experience.  Even just looking at a picture for long enough has a similar effect.  You begin to know every line, every scar, every indent, and these small details tell a story of a person's life.  I once painted ten life-size portraits of people I knew, and when I worked on their faces, I felt an emotional connection with each person.  Now, this was a commissioned job, and I didn't know these people closely, but by the end of those two weeks, I held a fondness toward them that I'd never felt before.  I felt like I knew them even though they never really knew me.  I knew their pain and their struggle.  A friend of mine joked that after she had finished a portrait of a guy, she was feeling like he should be taking her out to dinner!

Knowing the smallest detail of a person is very intimate. And taking the care to know how many hairs are on a person's head implies a very detailed understanding of a person.  God knows the actions of every cell in your body, knows the cause of every sickness...  As I've stated earlier in my blog post about God's omniscience, he knows all things instantaneously as they happen.  He knows your thoughts, who you are, why you are who you are, and why you do what you do.

Not only does he know all about us to start, the gospel tells us that when we accept Christ, we are grafted into the "tree" as new branches.  This implies a constant connection.  We also become one with Him in spirit: our old man dies and we become a new person united with Christ.  We are His "temple".  We become His home.  It also says we are adopted as sons and daughters.  So we're in His immediate family.

There's so many analogies that scream of a close and constant connection with Him.  Psalm 139 tells us that there's nowhere we can go that He is not, and that His thoughts about us are more than the grains of sand on the beach!  So not only does he see us, but he's thinking about us always.  It says he doesn't sleep!

When I think of all these things, I cannot reduce Christ to a mere guest in my home. I cannot reduce my attitude towards Him to a mere openness and willingness or even a mere daily choice.  He's in me, around me, and makes up my very being.  He owns me, provides for my housing, my eating, my living, my education.  He IS me.  We are one.

My first thoughts about this came when I got married to my husband.  Imagine if I told him he was welcome in my home.  That's silly because we share a home.  His home is my home.  I wouldn't even say "you're welcome in my bed" because it's our bed to begin with.  I don't even think in terms of letting him in because he has access to me always.  I've let him in already.  If I relate to my husband in more intimate ways than I relate to God, isn't there a problem with how I view God?  If my husband is family (and not even blood), but my God is a "guest", isn't that almost an insult?  Christ's blood runs through my veins.  My husband committed himself to me by making a covenant.  Christ committed himself to me by dying and taking the punishment for my sins.  Which one is greater?

When I want a close friend to know they are important to me, I don't say "you are a guest", I say, "you are family".

To finish my thoughts, I want to say that family is welcome even when they aren't welcome.  They are loved even when they are being difficult.  The bond of a family endures much.  Christ is welcome even when I'm not so willing and ready.  Christ owns me and all that I have.  I don't give Him permission to come because it's not my place to.  He's a part of me.  He's got continual access.  I've put my whole trust in Him.  I'm completely vulnerable to Him and He does no harm to me.  And sons and daughters are not guests.  If we are His sons and daughters, then He is our father, and he is no guest at my table.  He's family.