We’re BAA-AACK!

Most of you know Dustin and I have been living in Israel for the past three years. But you may not know that we just moved back to the US two weeks ago. It’s a bit premature, since our plan was five years. We didn’t leave because of job hardships: honestly, our gig in Jerusalem was one of the best, and with some of the most quality people I’ve ever known. And they let us go with their blessing. (We already miss you, Israel fam!). We didn’t leave to chase a job opportunity, even though there are a few. We left for a number of reasons, the main one being our heart for family.

I think being away has really showed us where our values lie. Dustin and I have always highly valued family life. It’s one of the things that made me fall in love with Dustin—how much he loves, values, and depends on his family.

The past few years we became aware of the passing ages of our older relatives, aware of how difficult it is to connect from across the ocean, aware of how fast my nieces and nephews are growing. I want to be there for them. These are the people God gave us; true gifts. And while I’m sure everyone who moves overseas feels this same pull, there just didn’t seem to be a grace for us to overcome it and stay out there. The feeling only grew and grew over time.

I, myself, have lived quite disconnected from my family in the past decade. They’re all spread out in the states and Canada these days and it’s a rare gift to have us all together. And I’ve lived very disconnected from my extended family for most of my life. That’s also because we moved from Canada when I was young. I would like to remedy that.

The old adage is true; you never know what you have until it’s gone. I see now how truly blessed I am. Let’s get together, fam!

Nick--what a guy! He brought us to the Ben Gurion Airport and waited with us at 4am until we got to security.

Dustin with half our stuff, waiting for our ride when we landed in Chicago.

Don't Feel Sorry for Me (Why I am Still Vegan)

Photo by Charles Deluvio 🇵🇭🇨🇦 on Unsplash

I've been a vegan for the past three years now. When people find out, they instinctively and immediately ask why. Or they tell me why it's not a good idea (because this person has a deficiency, or that person didn't do their research, or certain body types require certain foods, etc.). Or they justify why they aren't vegans because for some reason they feel like I'm trying to make them into one. Or they blow it off as a fad diet. "I could never do that. I like meat too much" is what a lot of people say. It's actually what I used to say. One of my friends often jokingly says, "I feel sorry for you." Sometimes he's genuine because he's trying to imagine what life would feel like without meat or cheese and concluding that it must be bleak...

Well, let me tell you, it's not! In fact, for me it's the opposite, eating meat and cheese made my life bleak... And therefore it doesn't take a ton of will-power for me to remain vegan. I'm more happy with my food culture than ever before...

So, let me paint the "before and after" picture for you. Summed up: before = lethargy and self-hatred. After = energetic and happy life. Haha! Okay, so now let me tell the story and get specific...

I thought I was just naturally a low-energy person. I thought I had allergies with constant sinus drainage. I thought I had a faulty digestive system because I had all kinds of problems (which lead to all kinds of uncomfortable situations), and rising levels of heartburn. I had this constant feeling of being bloated, which made me constantly aware of my belly, and therefore extremely self-conscious. I felt so ugly and gross, and couldn't look at myself. I bought unflattering clothes because I didn't pay attention to myself in the mirror and hated everything anyway... which then made me feel even worse when I saw myself wearing those clothes... (Mind you, I still had a reasonably medium-sized physique and worked out moderately). I didn't have much self-control when it came to food. I had this constant nagging feeling of hunger, while at the same time constantly feeling bloated and full. I felt fat and yet starving. And I would get almost rageful if I hadn't eaten in a few hours. I never knew when to stop eating, and would keep eating until I felt physical pain in my stomach. That eventually led to some actual damage to my body...

How we decided to become vegan in the first place was a combination of the desire to be healthy, some netflix documentaries which piqued our interest, and then the research which confirmed to us that this was the most healthy way to eat... So when we finally made a decision to go for it, we were living in Minneapolis about to move out of our apartment heading back to Michigan, and Dustin's dad was coming to visit to spend some quality time and help us pack. So we decided to eat vegan for two weeks, and reward ourselves by taking Dad out for some really juicy cheeseburgers when he arrived.

Within those 2 weeks of eating a whole food, plant-based vegan diet, I felt like an entirely new person, and several of those issues I mentioned above were gone! I had twice as much energy, no sinus issues, no heartburn, no bloating, and a lot less hunger in general. Then I ate a cheeseburger with Dustin and his dad and those benefits went away. After realizing what burgers do to my body, I decided to keep going with this diet.

Then, right before we left (a week later), a friend of ours gave us a Christmas present, which was a massive basket of cheese. That's because Dustin was a cheese-lover and we always told everyone how much he loved cheese. Well, now after giving it up, we had the biggest amount of cheese we've ever had in our fridge at one time: 17 different fine cheeses, several varieties of crackers, and a few sausages (it was a really expensive and generous gift, I might add). Of course, we let ourselves indulge--and again, I felt the bloating, the sinus problems, and constipation... So we decided to save a few of our favorites and share the rest with friends and family.

Fast forward a month and a half. I hadn't eaten cheese in four weeks. Suddenly I went through a week of cheese withdrawals. I felt shaky and craved cheese like an addict. No other food was satisfying enough, but I knew what cheese did to me, so I avoided it like the plague, and ate probably too much food that week. But it was whole foods, and so even when I would stuff my face, the stuffed feeling was gone within an hour. And there was never pain. Once I got over that week, I no longer had cheese cravings.

In fact, I noticed that I didn't even have meat cravings. I stopped craving bad foods. So I wasn't lamenting or missing the foods I couldn't eat. Plus I knew that if I really wanted them, I would allow myself to eat them. But that desire wasn't there. I also noticed that I didn't feel "hangry" all the time (we used to call it "eat-monster"). And, I didn't have that constant feeling of being both full and hungry at the same time. And when I was full, I could actually stop eating. I suddenly had self control, and I didn't go through any regiment of self-discipline or starving myself, or even portion control. I only changed the content of my meals (which I suppose is the part that takes effort).

But listen, I found recipes and made meals that were substantial, tasty, and filling. I didn't just relegate myself to salads. Plus, Dustin really did his homework, and we followed some doctors and vegans who have been doing this for most of their lives and have made it without deficiencies or health problems. So that was why I enjoyed the meals I was eating.

Being vegan even led me to have more body positivity before I lost weight. Because the bloating was gone, I was no longer feeling my stomach all the time, so I was able to stop obsessing about how fat I felt. And over time it led to a general feeling of liking my body again, which has also helped me buy flattering clothes. Honestly, my wieght hasn't changed too much (although I went down some pant sizes, woohoo!)

And I hesitate to mention this, but it's so real: I didn't realize that half my life was spent on the toilet. I now spend a tiny fraction of that time in the bathroom, and am way more comfortable going to friends' houses, and even spending overnight trips.

So, it's true. There are some drawbacks to eating vegan. It does limit my options at restaurants and various food-provided situations. It can be awkward for others who want to cook for us and accommodate our diets but have no idea what to make. We actually feel negative results when we indulge in meat or cheese (which reinforces our desire to stay vegan). So that means I don't have the same joy as I used to when trying new exotic foods, even though I allow myself to do it: I know it's gonna kick me in the gut later. I even feel anxiety when I think about eating ice cream or gelato or yogurt. So I save my indulgences for times when it's really worth it.

And I haven't even mentioned Dustin's own story of how his life changed. The guy dropped 40 lbs (around 20 kilos) in the first 4 months and basically saved his liver from disease... And none of that time did he feel starved or deprived. He's as enthusiastic about it as I am, if not more!

For me the joys of eating vegan massively outweigh the joys of eating animal products. I genuinely mean that. And, listen, I haven't been perfect, and I'm not strict about it. But my dietary choices actually cause me to enjoy life more. So don't feel sorry for me. I will probably be a vegan for life.

[check out my Vegan Starter Pack here. I compiled some recipes and even a shopping list to make it easy on friends and family who want to try it, since a lot of people now ask me for advice about it. I'm working on a part 2 'cause I've found so many more goodies since then!]

Robbing the Doubter of Faith

In a recent conversation--one of those precious rare conversations that go late into the night--someone asked us, "How is a person who doesn’t believe in God somehow considered worse in God’s eyes than, say, a murderer?" He was referring to the scripture Matthew 12:31, “And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.” He had come to understand that to "blaspheme God" meant to doubt or disbelieve. And thus he thought disbelief was the unforgiveable sin. He couldn't accept the idea that the Christian who beats his wife is better in God's eyes than the Atheist who treats his wife with love... and rightly so...

This man was made to feel evil for questioning his faith. He was made to believe that doubt was unforgiveable. And because of this, he was prevented from asking the questions which would help him find answers to dispel his doubts. And because he doubted, he believed he was disqualified from salvation. And that is the real tragedy in my eyes. He was robbed of his faith by fellow believers.

Too often, in the church setting, when someone has a question—one that challenges why we believe what we do—the response is to shut it down. When we don't know the answers, at best we patronize them. At worst we take offense. Or if we are dogmatic, we label them rebel or dissenter and exclude them from our social groups. We might even gossip about them and discredit their statements to others. We communicate with our actions that asking tough questions leads to rejection.

Why is that? Is it because we were taught not to question our pastors? Is it because we ourselves don't know the answer and we're too prideful to admit it? Are we afraid because the questions threaten our own faith?

We've been prevented from questioning, so we've had to simply accept what is fed to us from the pulpit. And sure, a lot of good comes from the pulpit. But if my faith is built solely on what my pastor says, then what's to stop me from being swayed by a more compelling, more charismatic person? That is a shaky foundation to build faith upon. If I’m not allowed to think critically about my deepest faith, how can I hold on to it when challenged by critical thinkers? 

Why do we think so many young people lose their faith when they go to college? When they are taught how to think critically--a vital component to learning--they start to ask more critical questions about their own faith. At church they're often given inadequate answers. Some, like my friend, don't feel they even have a right or a place to ask questions--because doubt is unforgiveable, right? But if you don’t know why you believe what you do, then you are not, “… prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”? (1 Peter 3:15).

Doubt is not the unforgiveable sin.

Many important characters in the Bible doubted God. Abraham let Sarah talk him into sleeping with her handmaid because she clearly doubted God would give her a child. God still gave them a child. Moses doubted that God could use him, lacking the talent to speak and questioned God. God still used Him to lead. Gideon put out a fleece three times because he doubted that God wanted him to be a leader on the basis that he was terrified. God still led him to save Israel. Thomas told his fellow disciples that he wouldn't believe Jesus had been raised from the dead unless he could touch the wounds on his body. And what did Jesus do? He walked straight up to Thomas and let him touch those wounds. God did not shun these people for doubting. He gladly and patiently answered their questions. He didn't say, "how dare you question me!" and abandon them. No! He remained faithful, and for each he took every opportunity to address and deal with their doubt. Sure, there are examples of God being frustrated by peoples' lack of faith, but their doubt was clearly and easily forgivable.

The strongest faith is one that has been confronted, questioned, wrestled with, and sought out. How can you love someone if you can't search them out and get to know them? How can you trust God if his people shut you down for asking questions? Without the ability to question your faith, you cannot build it well. You end up building your house on sand. That kind of house doesn't last. It crumbles in the storms of life.

A grounded person is one who can entertain and wrestle with the deep questions.

Lets give our fellow believers the tools to build their foundations strong.  Here's hoping that more of us will tackle those questions head-on.

(See Part 2 of my series, "Robbing the Giver of Joy")

Hosting Your Vegan Friends: A Vegan Starter Pack

Are you having your vegan friends over for a long weekend, but have no idea what to cook? Here are 8 recipes and a shopping list for you and your friends to try! I've included 2 breakfast recipes, 1 easy dessert, and 5 lunch/dinner meals. But first, let me explain a few things...

My husband and I have been vegan for the past two and a half years now and we love it! You might not know that because you've probably seen us eating meat and cheese at your house, or at social events, or trying new foods on vacations... Well, that's because when we became vegan, we made two decisions: 1) that we would allow ourselves to eat meat and dairy on occasion, and 2) that we would not impose our diet on our friends, since we are doing it for health, and not because of allergies or religion or politics or anything like that. We just eat the meals our friends make, and even sometimes look forward to eating those meals because we haven't had them in so long (so don't feel bad if you didn't know, please don't!). 

When I stayed with my sister for a week this past New Years, she asked me what to buy and took me to the grocery store so she could make some vegan meals for us. It was amazing, and it kinda caught me off-guard so I had to really take time to think about what recipes I wanted to make. Since then, I thought I'd put this blog together as a help, not as a guilt-tripping expectation, and partially for my own reference.

Maybe you yourself are feeling constant heartburn, feeling heavy and bloated and low on energy and just need a week or two for your body to recharge and want to try this vegan stuff. Well, here's a good "starter pack." I suggest trying it for two weeks as a sort of cleanse, and by the end of it, you'll feel like a new person. And if these recipes aren't enough for you for 2 weeks, I have more vegan recipes on my pinterest board here, but I haven't tried them all yet (I particularly like the potato soup on there). There's also a ton of amazing recipes I have not tried at forksoverknives.com. If you're trying this for yourself, go get a vitamin B supplement. That's the only vitamin we've found to be lacking in our diet thus far, though we are doing research on the omegas. If you're deciding on going full vegan, let's talk! There are some things you need to know! If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them.

This list is meant for having your friends over for a long weekend and includes enough food for 4 people for 3-4 days. If this is too much for you I've also added a second shopping list with only the ingredients for breakfast, the loaded chili, and the dessert. This should be good for 4 people for a 2-day weekend (the loaded chili makes 16 servings, and therefore could cover lunch and dinner for 2 days, or more if you add the macaroni noodles).

So here we go. First the recipes, and then the 2 shopping lists at the bottom.

Breakfasts

For breakfast, we eat oatmeal. Regular old oatmeal made with water. Because I don’t use milk or butter, the best way to eat oats is with a chopped fruit (apple, pear, banana, peach, berries, etc.), about 5 crushed walnuts, a sprinkle of chia seeds, and a bit of brown sugar or maple syrup. The fruit, walnuts, and chia seeds add a huge amount of needed nutrients to the mix. But on a low budget, a plain bowl of oats with brown sugar will suffice. In the summer we enjoy cold oats or overnight oats, which is nice because we make it in individual jars which we can grab on the go in the morning. I've added it below, but really, plain old oats is good enough!

          Oatmeal

Most people know how to make oats so I hesitate to add this recipe, but just in case your regular way involves milk or butter, here's how I do it:

·       ½ cups per person of dry oats (whole or quick)

·       ¾ cups per person of water

·       Brown sugar or maple syrup

·       Optional to add after cooking

o   ½ chopped fruit per serving

o   5 walnuts per serving

o   ½ tsp chia per serving (or sprinkle it on)

Add water and oats to pot and turn heat to medium, stirring occasionally until it comes to a boil and desired thickness has been reached. Remove from heat and serve. Keep note that your friends will not be adding milk, so you will want the oats to be more moist than dry.

Cold Oats 

Soaking oats overnight actually makes your oats more nutritious. By soaking the oats, the phytates will break down. Phytates are natural preservatives which prevent the grain from biodegrading when dry. They also prevent you from absorbing some of the nutrients in the oats. So breaking down the phytates makes the nutrients in the oats more "bio-available," which means you absorb more nutrients.

If you want to get fancy, there are more variations of this recipe, here and all over the internet.

·       ½ cup whole oats *

·       ½ cup soy milk **

·       1 tbsp brown sugar or maple syrup (or to taste)

·       After soaking ***

o   ½ chopped fruit per serving

o   5 walnuts per serving

o   ½ tsp chia seeds per serving

Add oats, soymilk, and sugar to small mason jar. Cover with lid and leave in fridge the night before you want to eat the breakfast. In the morning, add fruit, nuts, and chia.

* The heartier the whole oats, the better. DO NOT use steel cut oats as they never 

    seem to fully soften, and avoid using quick oats as they get unpleasantly mushy.

** May use any preferred liquid. Soy milk produces the best creamy texture, while 

    water leaves the oats lacking in flavor (some say just add a dash of salt if using 

    water).

*** Some people like to add the fruit and chia and nuts together the night before, but I 

    find the fruit can get a bit too soggy for my taste, and the chia messes with the
    water to oat ratio, which is why I add it in the morning.

Lunch and/or Dinners

One Pot Rice and Curried Butternut Squash from NaturallyElla.com

 

For the recipe, click here. This is one of my favorites. It is hearty, satisfying, filling, and even some of my curry hating friends love this dish. I made this blog with the intention of hosting friends, so I have doubled it for you in the shopping list below to serve 4. And because it has so much flavor, most people won't notice that there's brown rice in it rather than white rice (for those brown-rice haters out there, hehe. I have not tried this with white rice).

Loaded Veggie Chili by Lee on Veggie-Quest.com 

For this recipe, click here. This recipe goes really well with brown rice macaroni noodles or corn tortilla chips (brown rice pasta is as healthy as whole-grain pasta but without the sandy texture). The recipe calls for no salt so the individual can add their own. We also love to add hot sauce to our own bowls. You can substitute 2 cups of water for 2 cups of beer for a richer flavor. This calls for an extra large stock pot, so if you don't have one, just halve the recipe. It makes a lot (16 servings) and will last a few days, and gets tastier over the next few days. My husband often makes this on the weekend and we eat it the next day or two for work.

 Lentil and Cauliflower Rice Taco Filling by Susan Voisin on blog.FatFreeVegan.com

 

For this recipe, click here. This recipe is meant to replace rice in a taco, but being a vegan, I use it to replace meat. And if you get a good fresh chili powder (Indian variety is my favorite), it will make all the difference. The recipe is for the filler only, so here's the rest of the ingredients to make tacos (which are included in the shopping list):

o   Lentil and cauliflower rice taco filling

o   1 bag taco-sized Corn tortillas

o   4-5 ripe tomatoes, chopped

o   refried beans

o   black beans

o   1 bottle of Tobasco's Chipotle Pepper Sauce

o   Chopped or snipped cilantro

o   2 green peppers chopped

o   ½ or 1 cup chopped onion 

o   1 jar salsa verde

o   1 cup brown rice

o    sliced avocados

• Make cauliflower and lentil dish as per recipe and place in large bowl or serving dish (will require a large high-sided skillet or dutch oven). 

• Make rice: Add 1 cup brown rice and 2 cups water to a pot. Bring to boil and then cover and lower heat to simmer for 25 minutes or until rice is soft. Take rice off of heat. 

• Sauté onions and green peppers together in a pan with oil until onions are translucent and green peppers are soft. Place in bowl. 

• Rinse and drain black beans, and heat in water on the stove until boiling, then drain and put in bowl. 

• Heat refried beans in separate pot until simmering (may need to add water), then place in bowl. 

• Chop the tomatoes and put them in a bowl. 

• Snip or chop cilantro and put in a bowl. 

• Then set all the separate ingredients with the salsa and hot sauce and tortillas, and let everyone make their own tacos! 

Tacos are great because each person can choose their own ingredients. Often when we have friends over, we'll make chicken and grate some cheese and have sour cream for them since they probably will be craving the usual taco ingredients. 

Rustic French Green Lentil Soup by ComfyBelly.com

For this recipe, click here. I have experimented with this recipe by changing the veggies many times, and it's always good. But the kale is what makes it so hearty. I've even put okra in this one and made it in the crockpot on low for 5 hours. Careful with okra because it adds a slimy texture that not everyone likes (I LOVE okra). I once removed half the veggies/lentils with a strainer when it was done and used a hand blender to blend the remaining contents to thicken it and then added the strained veggies back in. I preferred this way best. Basically, this is one of my favorite recipes that I've experimented with. But even when I wasn't a vegan, I never tried it with cream.

Creamy Vegan White Wine Sauce with Peppers and Pasta by Brandi Doming on thevegan8.com 

For this recipe, click here. When I made this, Dustin almost cried because he thought he'd never be able to eat a vegan meal with this kind of creamy texture. Now, the original recipe calls for 1 part cashews blended with 3 parts of water for the cramy base. But because I was in a pinch when I made it and didn't have cashews or a blender, I just used soymilk and added one teaspoon of white flour at a time until it was the thickness I wanted (maybe 4 or 5 teaspoons total). But it can get clumpy, so whisk it like crazy when adding the flour. If you're not up for spending the extra cash for the cashews, just use soymilk and flour! This dish isn't the same without the roasted peppers. They make this dish! Roasted cherry tomatoes also work too!

Dessert

2-Ingredient Banana Oat Cookies by Lauren on TheBurlapBag.com 

For this recipe, click here. These are insanely easy. Once batch is 2 ripe bananas mixed with one cup of quick oats and any 3rd ingredient of choice (baked for 15 minutes!). I suggest making at least 2 batches if you have friends over, and so I have doubled it in the shopping list, and I went ahead and added chocolate chips to the list as the 3rd ingredient. These never last more than a day because everyone loves them and never feels guilty eating them. It's the only vegan dessert I know so far... But I'm about to try some new things.

Full Shopping List (all 8 meals)

(note that many of the ingredients on this list will be divided among recipes)

• 10 tsp, & 2 tbsp of olive oil
• 1 medium red onion
• 2 cups of chopped Kale
• 8 large white or yellow onions
• 16 cloves of garlic
• 10 bell peppers (2 yellow, 2 orange, 4 red, 2 green)
• 1 large head cauliflower
• 1 bunch cilantro
•  4-5 ripe tomatoes (for chopping and eating on tacos)
• Assorted fruit (lots of fruit!)
• 1 bag taco-sized Corn tortillas
• 3 cups brown rice
• 16 oz Brown rice spaghetti pasta
• 3 cups 1/4-inch cubed butternut squash about 1 lb
• 1 cup canned chickpeas drained/rinsed
• 3 tablespoons mild curry powder
• At least 5 tsp salt (some recipes call for salt to taste)
• At least 2 tsp black pepper (one recipe calls for a generous grating of cracked black pepper)
• 1 ½ cup crushed tomatoes
• 84 oz. (3 large cans) roasted tomatoes (I can never find reasonably priced fire roasted or roasted tomatoes here in Israel, so I use canned diced or whole peeled tomato)
• 1 small can tomato paste (6 oz)
• 1 bottle of Tobasco's Chipotle Pepper Sauce
• 3 cup low-sodium vegetable broth
• 3 cups green lentils (one recipe calls for 1 cup brown lentils, but green lentils will work)
• 4 15-oz cans of beans (about 7c) (any type, we use cans of mixed beans)
• 1 can refried beans (pork free)
• 1 can black beans
• 3 16-oz bags of frozen mixed vegetables (NO lima beans)
• 1 16-oz jar mild salsa
• 1 jar salsa verde
• 6 or more tbsp chili powder
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper (One recipe allows for either cayenne or chipotle powder)
• 1 tsp smoked paprika (smoked is important for flavor, though regular paprika works)
• pinch of cinnamon
• 2 tbsp dried green onions
• 2 tbsp dried Italian spice blend
• Whole oats or quick oats (at least 1/2 cup per person per breakfast meal)
• 2 cups quick oats (for banana oat cookies)
• 1 quart soymilk or 2 cups raw cashews for pasta (buy more soymilk if you want to make cold oats rather than cooked oatmeal. See below in optional list)
• 1/2 cup + 4 tablespoons white wine chardonnay
• 4 large bananas (preferably overripe for sweetness)
• Bag of walnuts
• Scallions for garnish
• Brown sugar or maple syrup
• Optional

§  Handful of dairy free chocolate chips (for banana oat cookies)

§  Berries (for breakfast oats)

§  Chia seeds (for breakfast oats)

§  Soymilk for cold oats (if making cold oats rather than regular oatmeal. 1/2 cup soymilk per serving. 1 quart makes about 6 servings)

§  Bag of brown rice macaroni elbows (if you like noodles with chili)

§  Bag of Corn tortilla chips (if you usually like to eat chili with crackers)
§  Avocados for tacos

2-Day Shopping List (Breakfast, Banana cookies, Loaded Veggie Chili)

• Assorted fruit (lots of fruit!)
• 2 large or 4 medium onions
• 4 bell peppers (2 yellow, 2 orange)
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 large cans fire-roasted tomatoes (diced) (or regular diced tomatoes)
• 1 small can tomato paste
• 4 15 oz cans mixed beans
• 1 16 oz bags frozen mixed veggies (NO lima beans)
• 1 16 oz jar mild salsa
• 4 tbsp chili powder, plus more to taste
• Whole oats or quick oats (at least 1/2 cup per person per breakfast meal, and if you plan on only making cold oats, only buy whole oats for that)
• 2 cups quick oats (for banana oat cookies)
• ½ gal Soymilk
•  4 large bananas (preferably overripe for sweetness)
• Bag of walnuts 
• Brown sugar or maple syrup
• Optional

§  Handful of dairy free chocolate chips (for banana oat cookies)

§  Berries (for breakfast oats)

§  Chia seeds (for breakfast oats)

§  Bag of brown rice macaroni elbows (if you like noodles with chili. This will aso extend the chili for more servings)
§  Bag of Corn tortilla chips (if you usually like to eat chili with crackers) 

Christmas 2017 (Never Underestimate Love)

Last Christmas I gave you my heart. The very next day you.... haha, just kidding.

I spent last Christmas eve caroling on the Judean hills overlooking Bethlehem, about where the shepherds might have been chillin' when the angels appeared in the sky and sang a heavenly joyful chorus about Jesus' birth. It was beyond magical. It brought me to tears. Click here to read about it.

Then on Christmas day, I went over to Jalene and Daniel's house and we enjoyed an amazing dinner of raclettes (a meal kind of like fondue, but cooking things on a hot stone rather than in broth) and then opened gifts to each other. I have that post in my blog drafts, but I never got around to posting it.

This year, to save me from tears.... heh! Couldn't resist...

I've been in Michigan this year spending time with my husband's side of the family, which has been so lovely. Smaller families--er, I mean, regular-sized families--make for more individual attention, which I'm not used to, so I feel like a glutton for it. Okay, I'm making it sound like I got a ton of individual attention, but really, I just got some attention... but compared to my own family... Try living in a family with 8 siblings, and now when we somehow make it all together it's around 20-27 people (that's just my parents, my siblings, and their spouses and kids). I often (mistakenly) feel like background noise, even though truthfully I get a lot of love.

I got gifts from aunts and uncles and grandparents-in-law this year--extended family--which I am also not used to. My own immediate family moved to America from Canada when I was six. I never got to know my cousins very well, never spent much time with my grandparents who are now gone, and hardly saw my aunts and uncles. And then I moved to Israel, so I don't have the ability to go visit them all. And even though I've spent the holidays with my in-law family for the past few years, this year is the first time I have felt like an insider.

Before, I was just getting used to the customs, the dynamics, taking cues from Dustin on how to act and respond to the humor, and generally dealing with the awkwardness of being new... By now, which is only a few years, family members are making dishes just for me, knowing what I like, and even Dustin's dad got four chairs for his living room--for him, his two sons, and for me! (at least that's what I tell myself. Haha! But it's what I feel). And at this stage, I am experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. After some of our get-togethers this week, I rode home feeling strange feelings--both joy and sorrow--that make me want to go out into the woods to process what on earth is going on with me...

But I think I know. It's the kind of sorrow that comes from a heart realizing it is recieving what it never knew it wanted or even needed. It is a heart healing from certain wounds it didn't know it had. And though I won't express the deeper things too personal, I will say that my heart is so full.

Don't you ever underestimate what love does to people. Simple gestures even. You never know what it can mean.

A Sea of Expectations

I'm working on my message for our group discussion on Acts tonight and just thinking about various conversations that happened in the past month. It's distracting me from my work. I had multiple different people suggest to me what things they'd like to see me do with this particular group of young people; others telling me what they'd like to see me do as a worship leader, as a teacher, as an administrator...

What I'm trying to say is that I feel a bit bogged down in general by other people's expectations. (not by peoples' requests for help, which is a different thing).

I actually appreciate that other people have vision for me. It's an expression of their genuine deference to me. And expressing those expectations to me shows me they have faith in my abilities to accomplish these things. My problem is that once I know what others expect of me, I have a great desire to meet those expectations, and if I'm not vigilant I will find myself doing it at the expense of my own personal health. And in ministry it's tough, because it can be quite an amoebas thing. The general goal is to get people together for the sake of building up the Body of Christ and there are so many different ways to do that.

Other careers seem to have clear cut boundaries (I say that because I see them from a distance, which makes them seem simpler). Any career has the potential to consume a person's time, but it seems like there's always more I should be doing in ministry. People want to see expansion, growth, more, more, more... and so naturally when they see people with ability and talent, they place expectations on those people to fulfill their own vision of what a ministry should look like.

This is not a critique of what others are telling me they want me to do. They all want me to do good things. This is my way of processing through all these conversations to find a place of healthy balance. Writing helps me process. And hopefully by processing through them here, I can help someone else who might be experiencing similar feelings. I often find myself drowning in a sea of expectations I feel I cannot meet, and I need to once again remind myself that life is not about pleasing others, or meeting impossible standards. I need to take these feelings of pressure and turn them into feelings of confidence that others see potential in me. And I need to remind myself that it's not my responsibility to meet all those expectations. I have only one body, one life, and I can only accomplish a certain amount of things. I must be true to my own heart.

How Truly Unfortunate Lemony Snicket's Events Are

The other day, I thought I'd watch the first episode of this new Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events," series on Netflix which was styled after the movie made in 2004. I've always been a fan of the movie, and the artistry seemed promising. I won't go into my shpeal about why I was disappointed in the show (no one can match Jim Carrey's performance), but one scene hit me: the kids sleeping in their little room in Count Olaf's attic. The roof was dripping and they were shivering and worn out and sad. It was the first time the sight of poor living conditions on film elicited an emotional response from me.

Before I elaborate, I want to take a moment to acknowledge that in the next paragraphs--for lack of a better phrase--my "privilege is showing." And that's what I'm talking about: a few ways in which living in Israel is showing me how blessed I was in the USA (and how blessed I still am). You never really realize how much the little things matter to you until they are taken away.

This past winter I've lived in a poorly insulated apartment and so for the first few days it was cold here, we were shivering constantly, and I couldn't seem to get warm. And then my apartment flooded (which I've mentioned in previous posts) and then the mold came. If any of you know me, I HATE mold!

So, even though I was generally in good spirits, throughout the days I felt this undertone of tension and frustration that made me snappy and impatient. We had several days where our living room had a huge fan blowing at our carpet, and with the windows open, our home was FREEZING. My inner hypochondriac was on full alert, causing me paranoia at night about mold and bacteria from the pidgeon-dropping-filled water that soaked through a big portion of our house when it flooded. I couldn't relax because our house was damp and humid and cold. I spent hours doing laundry and disinfecting everything with bleach. And on the parts of the wall that was soaked through, the mold just kept growing back within 12 hours of bleaching it! I'd come home from work and get to work bleaching! I didn't sleep much. Since then I've figured out how Israelis cope with these things and we've gotten things under control. Plus we've come past the initial shock of it all.

But more importantly, I never knew how blessed I truly was in America until I left it. I have always had a warm bed to sleep in. Always.

I hate to admit this, and I never expressed this feeling to anyone at the time because it's just so petty, but the first week of living here, I remember feeling frustrated at how rough and cheap the paper towels at every place were. In fact, I felt sad about how hard everything was: all houses are tile and walls are heavy cement, and the streets are stone. I was used to carpet and wood and grass...

I was also used to being able to get anything I wanted. In the states, if I couldn't find something in the stores, I could get it shipped to my house for an affordable price. If I wanted to do something I could search for a store or business by category and find out how many there were, where they all are, and how to get there... and then I could hop in my car and get there within the hour.

Here, not a lot of stores are on google, and if they are, it's all in Hebrew! So I have no idea where to find things except to ask friends and get directions, and I usually have to walk or take a bus. So depending on how big an item is, I have to plan for how I'm going to get it home (whether I have to bring my cart or my backpack, etc). I am considering the size and weight of everything and whether or not I can carry it. And if I want it shipped, I have to pay a lot more and wait a lot longer. Compared to the US, acquiring things here feels impossible.

I can't tell you how many times I've spent two or three or four hours looking for something and coming home empty-handed. There came a point of diminishing returns at which the effort it took searching was not worth the thing wanted, so I just gave up. I actually went through a period of mourning and loss over the things I couldn't get (and Pinterest crafts I'd never be able to make... darn you Pinterest!). I never realized how materialistic I had become. (I know, I know, first world problems)...

Even though I feel terribly embarrassed about it, I have to admit that these things actually mattered to me and weighed down on my ability to cope. I'm a fairly adaptable person, but even I have had to make a huge mental shift and had to totally let go of expectations (in so many more ways than I've explained here). In a way, it's freeing. And what's taken the place of spending time on things is spending time with people. And I find that I'm much happier because of it.

So when I saw the image of the Baudelaire children sleeping on a cot in a dirty rain-filled attic, I felt it. I looked at the pot catching rain drips from the ceiling and inwardly winced. And that was a defamiliarizing feeling for me. Why is it hard to care about some people? It's because we have no idea what they're going through. We have no feelings to associate with their situation. And so we can look at the sad pictures of poverty, or read about sad things in a newspaper, or listen to people screaming their pain, and we can feel nothing. Any feelings we try to have are still detached. And because we are so detached, we may even be tempted to tell them their problems don't exist. We can't help it. We can't make ourselves understand. Even the narrator in the show pointed this out. He said (my paraphrase), "if you've ever experienced the loss of a loved one, you understand how impossible it is to describe. And if you haven't, then you can't possibly imagine."