Life Update: Germany during the Pandemic

Summer view of Heidelberg from a hiking trail called Philosopher's Way 

A Long-Overdue Update!

It's been 11 months since we moved to Germany, and the time has passed quickly for us. On the one hand, we've been able to experience a new culture in odd form because of the pandemic, which is special and interesting and historic in it's own way. Not many people are able to do what we've done in this situation. On the other hand, for that very reason it has been a much bigger challenge than we anticipated. Although, if there's anything I've learned in the last ten years is that life in every direction is always more challenging than we ever expect it to be...

I wouldn't have been able to function without the help of our very generous neighbors and church community. These people have treated us like family in the amount of ways they have offered us real support, from giving us rides to the grocery store, to giving us furniture, to helping us through the very paperwork-heavy visa process, and simply explaining their own culture--things they would normally take for granted. Our current neighbors helped us find our current apartment and the church community gathered to deep-clean it, and fill it with food and furniture before we even arrived. Our initial quarantine was lived with a warm place to sleep and plenty of food to eat, and even places to sit! They also donated bicycles so we could get around before we were able to purchase a vehicle. Without this community, frankly this situation would have been unlivable. Trying to move into a new apartment on our own when all the furniture and second-hand stores and restaurants are closed due to lockdown would have been very miserable and unnecessarily difficult. We simply wouldn't have come at this time. For that reason, it was been an interesting lesson in hospitality. I thought I was hospitable, until I encountered this community. Their level of hospitality has put any of my previous notions of it to shame. And I've learned to be a little more inter-dependent, which has admittedly been difficult as an individualistic North-American.

It's also difficult to explain our experience without describing the process of learning a new language. While I still do speak a lot of English (my boss speaks decent English) and most people can at least speak some English, most everything we do with other people is in German. And when we try to speak in English, for some it can take twice as long to find the right English words, and the same goes for myself, trying to find the right German words. A lot of misunderstanding tends to happen, and a lot of explanation happens over simple small things that are usually taken for granted in conversation. So I spend twice as much time listening as I do speaking, and I haven't been able to be as expressive as I normally am simply because I don't have the right words yet. And at the same time, I often feel very gosh darn proud of my progress.

All this was happening during a time when I couldn't see peoples' mouths when they spoke because they were always covered by thick N95 masks, and I had to stand at a distance so I couldn't really hear their voices, and could barely make out their words. 

Listening to a new language is a different kind of focused listening: one must listen intently to every syllable, because it is all unfamiliar, and some words are the same with only subtle variations. Some of the consonant sounds are sort of swallowed in conversation, so sometimes it's trying to figure out if I've just heard a word I know or a new word. Just visualizing the spelling of a word at first is a puzzle. Plus, you don't understand every word in a sentence, so you can only pick up what you do know. So you have to listen very intently to all the subtle sounds for anything you might understand and those are your only context clues... You find yourself pondering the length of words, weighing which word they meant, and looking up a word they said five minutes ago when the moment has passed and by now you are totally lost but aren't inclined to back-track... This quickly becomes frustrating because of corona, when those words are very muffled and at a distance. For a time, I found myself preferring online virtual meetings because at least then I could see faces and adjust the volume. And that context is still more difficult than in-person conversation to pick up cues and subtleties... The first several months were full of naps and migraine headaches and tears.

A big part of joining a new community is getting together, but this wasn't really possible when we first arrived because of Corona. This was something I didn't foresee, because I wasn't aware of how strictly Germans keep to the rules. We couldn't go out to neutral locations, i.e. restaurants, because everything was closed under lockdown. We couldn't have a house-warming or welcome party because the rule when we arrived was that only 1 individual could enter a household at a time, and there was an 8pm curfew! So that meant Dustin and I couldn't even visit others as a pair! Individuals had to stop by, we had to split up, and together we visited a few who were willing to bend the rules. I wasn't very good at keeping the curfew...

Something else we didn't know, was that when a German invites you to their house for lunch or dinner, they mean to have you there for 3-5, sometimes up to 7, hours. This was in contrast to our 2-3 hour expectation. So in the beginning, as we were trying to learn the culture, and a little more passive than usual, we found ourselves stuck in peoples' homes for hours on end, unsure of the polite way to say, "Okay, bye!" Turns out, that is the way some people do it. They simply slap their knees, and get up and say "Okay, bye! (Okay, Tchüss!)" while awkwardly heading for the door. Others are more like Americans in the way they give body language cues and give thanks and then subtly express their intention to leave. Since then we've learned that the best thing is to tell people when we intend to leave before we get there, so they aren't baking cakes for tea time later. 

The hardest thing, as I'm sure it is for many leaders around the world, has been navigating the changing corona situation with a community. One must balance individual freedom and the safety of the community in a way we haven't had to in the past. And the way Germans think about the pandemic is very different than the way Americans do, so it has been difficult for me to not feel like a fish out of water sometimes. I have stressed over the difficult decisions trying to follow government rules that go against natural human connection. When you lead in a community built on the unity, love, and the communion of Christ, it's so counter-intuitive to try to keep your distance, block your own instincts to hug people, and to live with people for months without ever seeing their real smile. Even the normal ways I have taught myself to learn names has been thwarted because I couldn't connect their whole face to their name in my mind's eye. I have to help this community fight against the temptation to see people as threats rather than as people. We have to fight fear head-on.

The thing that keeps me going is understanding that these difficulties are temporary. Corona won't last forever. And my difficulties with German will lessen as I learn the language more. In time, I will be able to really go somewhere with this community, and that is what gets me excited. Hopefully I will also take advantage of my location and explore more of Europe when it's possible. And I hope my family does the same and visits me when this pandemic subsides.

America; Two Cults...

Fear of Rejection is a Powerful Thing....

(I was listening to this song while writing this, and thought it was worth sharing)

We live in a time where people love to get outraged about issues and take up causes they know little about. And instead of taking action and doing something about real problems, we'd prefer to argue amongst ourselves about falsehoods on internet forums where real confrontation never actually happens. We'd prefer to eject our "crazy" friends and family members from our lives. We think we've improved the world by doing so. We think we've taught the world a lesson, but really, we've only made our own worlds smaller.

Politicians are our new preachers and political parties our new churches. We're getting our morals and thinking from those who by nature--and historically--have always had greedy and power-hungry underlying agendas. And we're getting our stories from people who make money by sensationalizing everything. We should know better. But we eat whatever we're served. We let the algorithms choose our meals, and now we're malnourished, fighting over scraps.  We tell ourselves we're making the world a better place by passing along this propaganda. We feel special because we think we have "the truth." 

But then we shut down real critical thinking, and refuse to accept confrontation or answer genuine questions because we've been programmed to see anyone who thinks differently as so morally depraved, they're not even people to us anymore. They're not even worth relationship. They're worse than just backsliders. We fail to see the benefit of even trying to understand their perspective, because we apparently already know what it is... We have no problem baring our teeth, and letting people feel the bite of our own festering bitterness. 

Our perception of reality is so skewed, and we have all the scriptures... er, I mean charts and articles and statistics--we've taken out of context and cherry-picked to prove our thinking is absolutely correct. One side thinks the other are all murderers and the other side thinks... the exact same thing. It's all based on moral superiority. And we feel justified. We shut down deep discourse with dismissive snap judgments and virtue-signaling because we're too good for that nonsense. We have a superiority complex. For many of us, it's all about the fear of rejection: we must appear "virtuous," and point the finger so we don't get labeled and dismissed first.

This is textbook cult-behavior. Tribalism is the word for it. I know because I used to be part of a toxic cult-like situation. Then my thinking changed and I eventually got out. I spent a lot of years processing and de-programming myself from this trauma... 

America is acting like two big cults now, left and right. It's a familiar feeling to me, when I realize a person's ideals are so important, they have become like landmines I must tiptoe around. It's a sort of crushing tension you feel when you've gotten a little too close to a subject and you can feel the bitter snap when they start to push back. You have to keep your guard up. You can't get too honest. You can't say buzzwords or they'll assume they know everything you believe. They'll stop listening. I have to fight against my own mind. I have to coach myself to stop allowing these things to dictate my choices. It's even worse because in the Midwest, these are often silent landmines. One wrong step, and you'll never know if you've lost a friend forever, because they might not even tell you. They'll just decide you're crazy and walk out of your life. Midwesterners do not like confrontation. Maybe they'll post something vague on social media, after they've blocked you, about why they feel justified rejecting you... but you'll never see it...

Surely not everyone fits into the two boxes our politicians and news media is trying to slot us into. If I exist, there are more like me... but it can be hard to keep that in mind when more of the people around me, not just the media, are doing the labeling now. The programming is working. Everyone wants me to repeat a certain script, but honestly, I don't know either side's script... And I have to fight the fear that even those closer to me might eventually slot me into their "other" categories when it becomes clear that my views don't fit their scripts... But I won't let that stop me from being me. Authenticity is important to me, and people are worth the risk.

Listen, sermons are a dime a dozen. Anyone can spout off ideologies. Anyone can repeat what their "preachers" have preached. Anyone can pass along a meme or video or article to feel better about themselves. Anyone can overgeneralize about an entire people group... But just because a person ascribes to a certain ideology, it doesn't mean they have the character to match. People can keep up appearances for a long time, especially when they're afraid of rejection. What I believe the government should or shouldn't do next doesn't tell you whether or not I'm loyal or trustworthy. So then, if you want to pick your friends solely on what you perceive their ideology is... well... hopefully you don't learn the hard way, like I did, that those things can fall flat when you go off-script; when you actually, truly need someone. 

Photo by Mister M on Unsplash

Are You Angry At God's Compassion?

Do You Have No Patience For Compassion?

I've been reading the book of Jonah lately. It's a short book in the Old Testament (OT) and probably one that people find too unbelievable. The part we focus on, because it is so fantastical, is how Jonah was swallowed by a fish big enough for him to survive in for three days. That seems unlikely. But let's look at the story.

Here we have a man who has been told by God to go to the wicked city of Nineveh and prophecy to them that their city will be overthrown because of their wickedness. Jonah knows God will relent if they repent, so he straight up says NOPE, and hops on a boat to Tarshish instead. Nineveh is somewhere in modern-day northern Syria, and Tarshish is somewhere in southern Spain. So, for perspective, he's trying to cross the entire length of the Mediterranean sea, which in his day meant heading as far away as possible, as quickly as possible. Of course, that's where a storm came and all the superstitious sailors were terrified, trying to figure out who has made their gods angry. Jonah is asleep, and when he wakes and finds out what's going on, he tells them this is all his fault because he's disobeying his god. "Throw me overboard," he says. They don't really want to, but out of sheer desperation, they throw him overboard asking forgiveness from Jonah's god as they do. We find out the storm almost immediately calms down and everyone in the boat basically become believers in Jonah's god. That's where it get's weird: Jonah is swallowed by a huge fish, decides to honor his promise to God, survives for three days, and is re-routed back to land where he is spit out by the fish, and can now go to Nineveh. That's where most people get stuck.

I'm now imagining a newly bald dude with a few scars from stomach acid burns coming out of the water and walking in the dry Middle Eastern landscape--quite miserable, not to mention the salty sea water dries the skin. But anyway, (now I'm getting stuck) he eventually makes it to Nineveh, walks to the center (It's such a huge city that it takes him three days just to walk to the center from the outside), and he starts declaring the imminent overthrow of the city. I'm sure people did not mind some crazy guy yelling in the streets... The king gets wind of this and--by a miracle--believes what Jonah is saying He. surmises that maybe if they repent, Jonah's god will have mercy on them. So, they do, and the whole city turns to God and they turn from their violence, and they aren't overthrown. Yay!

You'd think that's the end, but it's not. There's just a bit more to the story; Jonah is mad! He basically tells God, "I knew it! I knew you were a compassionate God! Just kill me now." All God says to him is, "Is it right for you to be mad?" Jonah's so upset, he sulks in the desert just outside the border, where God tries to take care of him by growing a shade plant next to him, giving him some relief. When the plant dies, Jonah launches back into a sulk, says he wants to die again like this plant, and God basically replies, "You sure it's right to be mad about this plant? And shouldn't I care about the people and animals of Nineveh more than you care about this plant?" And it just ends there. This little epilogue gave me a chuckle.

Nineveh was an enemy to Israel, and they were a brutal kind of people. They would skin their enemies, and hang the skins as a warning. Being skinned is a particular offense to the Jewish people, who value proper burial in which the body remains intact. But also, in general, it's just gruesome and horrifying and dehumanizing. You can imagine Jonah's prejudice against them. It's fairly clear he felt they didn't deserve even the chance at salvation, since he'd rather throw himself off of a boat than give them that.  But God knew the Ninevites would actually listen. God does not play favorites, and he is a very forgiving God. So he wouldn't let Jonah die like that.

I can't help but feel that many people in my own context are just like Jonah. A lot of people these days just don't have the patience for God's compassion (or any compassion) for the people they hate. It's hard to have compassion on someone you see as "the problem with this country." It's even harder to go on social media without being ticked off by someone's passed-around inflammatory post. Many of us have no problem posting our opinions on social media, completely unaware of the damage this is doing to our relationships and reputations... I can't tell you how many posts I've seen from both liberals and conservatives expressing why they feel justified in ending friendships and relationships. Both sides consider themselves to have the absolute moral high-ground, and are blind to how deep their prejudices against each other have become. And neither side has any actual clue what the other side believes. They have caricatures of the worst possible version of the other side to the point they can't possibly understand why anyone in their right mind would think that way... This is tribalism at it's finest.

But, I digress... our squabbles are mere trifles compared to the Ninevites, who were truly wicked and murderous as a culture. I suppose the closest thing we have to them is modern-day terrorists like ISIS (or ISIL), who display their violence for the world to see, and unironically hail from the same geographical region. We don't even have a grid for the barbarism they practice. But think about it: God had compassion on the Ninevites. He knew the time was right. He sent a prophet into that violent city, knowing this is exactly what would get their attention and stop their violence. And whether or not you think Jonah was actually swallowed by a fish, it's still significant because it teaches us about the character of God. He is compassionate towards violent people, and he is patient with stubborn people. No one is beyond the love of God. And this is the God we worship.

This kind of compassion is displayed all throughout the Bible, and is best exemplified in Jesus Christ. He is compassion incarnate. He never allowed himself to be caught in moral arguments, and never condemned people who were being accused of immorality. He never judged people, and always accepted them as they were. He didn't let rumors color his judgment of other people, and didn't let that stop him from interacting with the "bad" ones. Of course, he didn't condone immorality: he preached an impossibly high moral standard. But he certainly wasn't intimidated by the moral leaders who argued with him. In fact, the moralizers were the people he was most angry with: those who judged and condemned others, blind to their own self-righteous pride. 

Listen, it's easy to offer compassion to the compassionate. It's hard to extend compassion to the "idiots" who "ruin everything." If you've met Christians who don't emulate this selfless compassion, it can be easy to judge them... It's easy to think they don't really know God. But maybe they're just like you and me: people tempted into selfishness and tribalism at times in their lives. Of course, having understanding towards people doesn't mean you accept their behavior as good. But it helps us have more compassion when we understand people.

Ultimately as Christians, our compassion comes from God. When we feel like we are at the end of our limits, thankfully there is a deep well we can draw from. And, listen, if we're like Jonah, unable to accept God's compassion (or unable to be compassionate) towards others, well, God has patience with us too. He simply asks us, "Is it right for you to be mad?"

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Trying to Conjure Up Faith (Part 2)

Debunking Superstitious Beliefs About Prayer (Part 2)

When I was in Israel, I worked as a coordinator for a house of prayer in Jerusalem. We had patrons from all over the world coming to our space to worship God and pray. Our main prayer room was reserved for constant musical worship and intermittent corporate prayers (somewhat like IHOP in Kansas City). My office was connected to the main prayer room by a window. I literally sat at my desk, facing that window every day, and in the three years of working there, I observed a lot.

The content of a prayer can be very revealing. Prayer is a very personal thing. When you hear peoples' prayers again and again over time, you begin to understand what their deep concerns are, what plagues them, what they struggle with, and how they approach God... 

Often times, when we talk about prayer, we discuss it in relation to faith. You will often hear people say that we need faith to pray "effective" prayers, and they can back this concept up with a slew of scriptures. So then you get all these people trying to conjure up "faith" in order to pray. I've been there. I often would try to get in the right mode, as if its some level of willpower, or inner measure of determination. We make faith into a work, as if it's something we can accomplish in the moment, or as if it's something we can gain by being more intense in our attitude. Or when a prayer is answered, we can easily determine that it's because we had enough faith when we prayed for it. Or the opposite: when it isn't answered, we blame our own lack of faith. 

The Greek word usually translated into "faith" in the New Testament simply means trust.

You wouldn't trust someone you don't know with your deepest secrets (if you're wise). And how can you trust someone who has failed you? Would you talk to someone who doesn't listen? Can you be yourself around someone who expects perfection, or constantly judges you, or looks down on you? What about someone who is disappointed in you? Would you befriend someone you know doesn't care about you? Can you show weakness to someone who expects you to prove yourself? What about someone who has abused you? Would you feel comfortable asking for something from someone who you know is withholding and distant?

None of these things describe the God of the Bible, but it's often what people subconsciously think about Him. We often project false ideas onto God; these ideas most often come from the character of our own parents or authority figures, or simply what our churches teach us. When we think these things about God, we approach him in strange ways. We often feel the need to legitimize our behavior or formalize it in some way. And when we hear about faith and the "power of prayer," we try to conjure it up as if it's something we can do apart from relationship. Maybe we even ask other people we think are better than us to pray on our behalf. The good thing is that at least this means we start with a measure of faith: we at least know He's the person to go to when we have needs. We've at least decided to believe He's real and have accepted Him as our savior. But we often have a total misconception of his character, making it difficult to trust Him further.

God is actually good. His love is actually unconditional. He's nothing like the failed human counterparts we often project onto Him. 

When you know the true character of God, prayer is simple. You can have peace and confidence in your prayers because you know the one who's listening cares even more than you do. If you know you have a father who loves you and accepts you as you are, who doesn't judge you or need you to prove anything, you don't fear approaching him. You don't fear asking him for the things you need or want. He will do anything for you. He has true wisdom. He wants to help you thrive in life. When you know that, it's easy to show your weakness to him. When you know your father loves to laugh and has a lot of grace for you, you can actually be yourself around him. And you don't have to worry about formalities or rituals because... he loves you. And this is what people take for granted: God is a person. He might not answer your every prayer because he has his own free will and he knows what's best. He is not your prayer-answering slave. But you can be confident that your prayers are compelling to Him because He loves you. 

This is faith; trusting that God actually is who He says He is. That is our foundation.

The world cannot accept that God is a living being. We seem like crazy people, talking to this "imaginary person." Our culture constantly seeks to depersonalize Him, and that thinking continuously seeps into the collective psyche of the church. But even when we have these funny ideas about his character, or our requests are wracked with all kinds of doubt, he's is still patient and gives us grace: often he answers our prayers anyway. That's just the kind of person He is. In scripture, God calls himself the Father. He calls us sons and daughters. In the Kingdom of God under the New Covenant, we aren't just citizens or servants, we are family. The Christian life is a relationship with the living God. And God is someone we can trust.

Photo by Daniel Lincoln on Unsplash

Can We Curse People With Our Prayers? (Part 1)

Debunking Superstitious Beliefs About Prayer (Part 1) 

The other day I was having a conversation with someone about demons. The subject brought to mind something that had been bothering her for some time now. She used to ask God to give her faith, telling him, “do whatever it takes.” She also asked God to do whatever it takes to save her son’s soul. Part of her story is that her mother went through an illness and died, and later her son also died prematurely in a car accident. And it wasn’t until after these two events that she fully turned to God. So recently a friend told her that praying the words, “whatever it takes,” is actually a demonic prayer, and instead we should be praying “positive prayers.” This was a horrifying implication, and difficult to swallow. Had she actually cursed her own family by praying this? So, she asked me for my opinion as a minister.

I immediately told her, absolutely not! No! You did NOT curse your family! Hopefully that is obvious to you, reader. But it's not obvious to everyone....

These prayers she prayed were motivated by love and faith. She genuinely believed that God could supply her with more faith, and trusted that He would do right by her in doing whatever it takes to help her get there. She believed that God is actually good. She also had maternal love for her son. She wanted him to have more than just a good life, so she asked God to ensure her son’s place in heaven for eternity. If that is not a deeply faith-filled, loving and parental prayer, then I don’t know what is. 

I don't think she actually believed she had cursed her family, but there was a tiny spark of doubt growing. Her friend, unaware of her history, had inflicted some measure of fear. So let's talk about the implications of this belief. What would it take for—we’ll call her Betsy—to truly believe that she could curse her own family with her prayers to God?

First, Betsy would have to assume that some of her most fervent and constant prayers were actually ideas influenced by demons. Can you imagine the psychological state this would put her in? The horror, regret, guilt, shame, fear, and condemnation. The paranoia! This isn't the state of mind God calls us to. More importantly, it would skew her understanding of herself to think that instead of trusting God, she was actually being led by demons all this time... It's a cruel trick. I get angry just thinking about it. God does not call us to live a life in constant fear and awareness of the demonic. In fact, He loves us, and His love is so perfect, that when we accept it, it drives out all fear. He supplies us with faith and peace. He protects us from harm. The Bible describes him as a shepherd who leads us to green pastures and still waters; a God who prepares a table for us before our enemies. He fights for us, and intercedes for us. God is our shelter and shield. God is good and honorable, and knows how to give us good gifts. If we're going to call anything "demonic," it was her friend's suggestion which had the potential to rob her faith and reframe her entire history with God.

And because of her history, our Betsy would have to believe that her prayers were most definitely answered in the worst way. To be afraid of praying to wrong prayer implies God is somehow obligated to answer every word of our prayers in the most literal and extreme way without any ability to think for himself, or authority to choose otherwise. This would mean God has no free will, and is powerless to refuse our prayers. In other words, she would have to reject the idea that God is all-powerful, or that He is a person with His own free will who can think for Himself. Or she'd have to reject that he is all-knowing, and knows what we mean when we pray vague prayers. 

Third, if she didn't believe God was some sort of mindless prayer-answering machine, then she might have to believe that prayer has some sort of power in and of itself to accomplish our wishes apart from God. This is not Christian ideology. This is the same as how one might think of curses, magic, spells, or maybe “human energies.” It's a superstitious concept of prayer. When the Bible talks about "the power of prayer," it is only within the context of God's love. He loves us so much that our prayers are compelling to Him, and that's what makes them powerful.

Fourth, if not a mindless machine, then only a murdering psychopath would take Betsy's request to the extreme by killing her family members one by one until she finally turns to God. Obviously God can't be an aggressively manipulative psychopath, so it must have been Satan answering her prayers. She'd have to believe she was accidentally praying to Satan. There is nothing in scripture to suggest we should be concerned that our prayers will be picked up by Satan. By now, she's not even a Christian and her concept of God doesn't come from the Bible at all.

What’s more, Betsy’s concept of suffering would have to be completely ego-centric in order to believe that, because she asked for it, her mother’s and son’s deaths occurred—just in order to help her find faith in God. Sure, hardships can make or break us: we decide how we respond to them. But to think that God would kill someone just to get our attention would be to assume (He is a psychopath and that) we are more important than the other people in our lives. Our loved ones are just pawns or side-characters God can just throw away. Not everything is about us. and if we see it that way, we might have deeper issues...

Furthermore, she would have to have a deterministic concept of God's sovereignty: that he controls everything with no room for possibilities, chance, or freedom for us to choose. If so, she might believe her suffering was a form of discipline from God. These are two areas of debate that I won't delve too deep into here. We know from scripture that God does not cause evil. But when it does happen, He is able to make something good out of it. So if her mother and son died, could God use it for good in the form of leading her into a stronger faith? Absolutely! Without God, these trials may have produced different, perhaps darker results in her. But did God cause or allow those things to happen for the purpose of growing her faith? My answer to that is a hearty N-O. And this simply because of the moral dilemma it creates. What's more, it goes against the character of unconditional love defined for us in 1 Corinthians 13. 

So, can you curse people with your prayers to God? The answer is no. Your prayers don't have magical powers to curse people. And you don't have to worry about demons when praying to God. God is a good and all-knowing being who knows what you mean when you say it. He knows when it's not wise to answer your requests. He knows what's best for you. He works all things out for your good. So the next time you position yourself to pray, have faith; God is full of grace and mercy, and he is on your side.

Stick around for Part 2, Conjuring Up Faith.

Photo by Daniel Lincoln on Unsplash

What it Costs to Have Real Influence

         
Your Rants Aren't Changing Anyone

            When I was younger, as a newly initiated minister in Phoenix, Arizona, I was part of a group that literally went knocking on doors in some of the poorest and roughest neighborhoods in the city, offering food and clothes, and with the intent to preach the gospel, face-to-face. It was our conviction and hope at the time that sharing about Jesus might save people’s souls. I remember the trauma of it—sitting in my car, hyperventilating in preparation, walking with a feigned confidence but trembling on the inside, and naively asking people if they wanted to hear about Jesus. It was terrifying…

I’ve had people stand in their windows waving us away, people telling me to f**k off, dogs chasing me, men making passes at me, doors slammed in my face… of course, some people just hid away in their houses, never opening the door to us at all. It helped that we had food and clothes to offer, so, many times they would take the goods and shut the door. People in these neighborhoods had seen enough evil to be suspicious of newcomers’ motives.

              Any time we moved to a new neighborhood it took at least 6 months to a year before anyone would let us really talk about Jesus. We learned to say nothing of it, only to let them know we are from a local church. After a while they would ask us about ourselves, and why we cared so much. Only then did we really have their ears. Maybe they would accept Jesus, maybe not. To us it was worth it to reach even a few. And for those who didn’t accept it, at least they saw our hearts and knew what we stood for. At least in their lifetime they had seen people who represented the love of Jesus.

Few people are willing to listen to and accept what strangers have to say. In fact, even kindness can be seen as a show, or a manipulation. The only thing people trust is consistency over time. And it’s trust which earns us influence.

              If the cost of earning a stranger’s trust is committing selfless acts of love and care for them consistently over many months, or even years, how on earth do we expect to influence the beliefs of casual acquaintances on a digital platform which collapses the personal and relational aspects of conversation? And that price only guarantees they might listen; it doesn't guarantee they will change their mind. And yet these days, on social media everyone is yelling at everyone about what they should think and believe.

              I am just as guilty of preaching on social media as the next person. For a time, Facebook was my pulpit. And I do love a good heated debate (hit me up if your ever in the mood). I’ve gotten myself in plenty of trouble with people in the past. But guess what? Hardly anyone I argued with ever changed their mind. If anything, they clung harder to their own ideas and spat back. You’d think I would have already learned that given my experience going door-to-door, but I apparently have a thick skull. It takes extreme humility to admit you actually don’t know what you’re talking about, and when those we argue with are just faceless names—digital constructs of people we don’t keep in touch with anymore—why exercise that humility? It hurts too much to swallow our pride and costs us nothing to hold on to it… or does it? (hint: it costs us our influence...)

              Something we might not actively think about (but should) is that everything we say on our digital platforms has the same effect as it would in person, we just don’t see those consequences played out before our eyes. We don’t see the looks of disapproval, eye-rolls, or hear the sighs of frustration which might normally discourage us from saying more for the sake of the relationship. No, we are blind to the effect we are having on the people we care about. We often don’t know what relationships we’ve sabotaged with our written carelessness. Some people will follow you and read your stuff without ever commenting or interacting with your posts. Everything is laid bare. Nothing is hidden. People will read what you have to say and either silently gain, maintain, or lose their respect for you. Not only that, if you eventually change your mind, those words you spoke are still there waiting for them to read it again later, when maybe you've changed your opinion… Maybe you've made peace with that. Or maybe you’ve never considered it before now. I mention this for the sake of the latter…

But I digress…

Most of the time in our little online debates, the goal isn't to learn something new; it's to win. Maybe you started out with the intention to learn, but the other person struck a low blow and got you flustered. Or maybe their superior understanding of the subject is intimidating so you want to make yourself sound smart. And once we realize we cannot win, we feel our pulses quicken. I say this because I’m just as hot-blooded as you. However, nobody cares about how much you know until they know how much you care. I know, it’s a tired platitude, but I say this to remind you—and myself—that this is still as true as ever.

             It feels like everyone is constantly telling each other how to think and what to believe, expecting something to change. It’s not helping. It’s only creating stronger and more stubborn proponents of the opposing mind. Most people will briefly read what you have to say, make no effort to understand where you're coming from, most likely misunderstand what you mean, get overwhelmed or mad because it seems to oppose what they believe, and then go and find more voices which only confirm their current worldviews. The only way to have real influence--to promote true reform--is within the context of relationship.

             

       Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Why Wear a Cloth Mask?

A Few Facts and Some Patterns To Get You Started

People are asking, "why wear a cloth mask if we know they aren't 100% effective against airborne viruses?"  I'm here to say it is worth it, and here's why... [If you're just here for patterns, skip to the bottom. ;)]

First of all, it's important to be aware that every virus has a "target" in the body where it is most effective at making a person sick. When a virus reaches its target location, it then has the best resources it needs to grow and become most dangerous to the body. Covid-19's target is the lungs. So it makes sense to put on a barrier to prevent it from directly reaching its target. People will often argue that the virus can still get into our bodies through our eyes and ears. That may be true, but this means that the body's immune system will have more time to fight viruses off before they reach their target locations and become more formidable.

Second, it's also important to be aware that the amount of virus particles you are exposed to can drastically affect your chances of fighting it off. If you are directly breathing in the air of an infected person, millions of virus particles are going directly into your lungs. This can be overwhelm your immune system, and will take much longer to fight off. If you can reduce that amount by at least 50% with a mask (paired with distancing), you're giving your body a much better fighting chance. You might even give your body a chance to build up immunities.

It is true: studies show that common cloth materials used for masks are only about 50-73% effective at filtering airborne particles, but that is better than nothing! In some situations, 50% really matters. For example, say you go to the grocery store and someone with the virus sneezes nearby. If you were a fair distance away and then walk towards them, that 50% might have been all you needed in that situation to protect yourself from getting ill, because your DIY mask protected you from breathing in those last few virus-filled droplets of water still lingering in the air...

Another concern with cloth masks is that moisture can collect on your mask. Over time, more airborne particles can collect, eventually causing you to ingest or breathe it in, which in some cases can have the opposite effect of protection. Again, that's still better than breathing it in directly, but this is why you should still practice social distancing when wearing them, and also why you should not be wearing the same mask for hours and hours. Two hours is plenty of time to wear a mask.

As a former lifeguard and first-responder, I learned that you breathe out at least 20% of the oxygen you breathe in, hence we are taught in emergencies to breathe into drowned peoples' lungs with the use of a barrier. This tells me you're not going to asphyxiate if you wear a cloth mask unless you psych yourself out, especially since most cloth masks do let oxygen through. People with medical conditions should consult their doctors on this matter. But overall, you should make sure your mask material is a decent enough barrier while being breathable (see facts below).

My research about masks began back in February, when my mother-in-law (who is a dental hygienist) mentioned that her office might run out due to shortages. I wanted to make her something which could act as a barrier for her so that she wouldn't have to be out of work, so I began researching on a medical level. I even made my own prototype with polyethylene materials and had her put it through the autoclave at work to see if it would hold up (it did). I began to learn more and more about masks, filtration, and covid-19. This and discussions with my siblings (doctors, dental assistants, and a microbiologist) has helped me get a handle on surgical masks, how they are used, and how hospitals were/are dealing with mask shortages.

Also--disclaimer--I am not a medical professional, and obviously this should not supersede any medical advice from your doctor or health care professional. I am compiling my research for your benefit. If you find anything incorrect here, please let me know!

A Few Facts About Masks

• Surgical masks are not primarily designed to filter air, but to act as a barrier to prevent larger particles in the air from going directly into the lungs (for example, droplets from a person's breath, or kicked up particles from dental drills)
• Masks designed to filter air are those which fully seal around your nose and mouth. (surgical masks don't seal, but again, still act as a good barrier)
• n95 is a non-woven, spun plastic (polyethylene) material made to filter out the tiniest airborne virus particles. It has been heavily tested and found to be nearly 100% effective at filtering airborne bacteria and viruses. It is the standard material used to make medical-grade quarantine masks. (click here for stats and studies)
• People often use the term n95 to refer to medical-grade quarantine masks made from n95 material.
• Masks with pleats, or that stick out from your face, and have multiple layers are more effective because they have more surface area to filter particles.
• Concerning materials used at home, dish towels were the most effective common material tested at 74% filtering effectiveness (probably due to the threads which stick out, creating greater surface area for filtration).
• Cotton blend t-shirt material comes in second place at 70%
• 100% cotton fabric filters out 51% of virus-sized particles. A lot of people are making masks out of this material because of its breath-ability, but they should also be lining them with filter materials.
• Many baby wipe brands make their wipes out of n95 material. (I do not know which specific brands use the material, so if you find out, let me know!), and can be used as filter material in cotton masks.
• Dust masks also seem to be only around 50% effective.
• No mask is 100% foolproof. Even n95 quarantine masks have a tiny margin of error.
• There are many different kinds of surgical masks which have a wide range of uses and effectiveness and are not all created equal. Again, their main purpose is to be a barrier from splatter or dust. They are usually made from water resistant materials (made from stable, lightweight breathable plastics such as polyethylene) to avoid wet particles sticking to the masks. 
• Due to shortages, many hospitals are using masks in creative ways. For example, at my sister's hospital in Tulsa, doctors and nurses are using lightweight washable cotton masks over their n95 quarantine masks to make the n95's go further. So, call your local hospitals to find out what kind of masks they need and continue to make them and donate them!

Wearing/handling/washing masks

1. If you are an essential worker who has to be around people all day: make yourself 5 or 6 surgical masks (or buy them), and switch them out after 1-2 hours during your 8-hour workday. Take breaks outside and away from people so you can have time to get fresh air without having to wear a mask. When you get home, throw your clothes--and cloth masks--in the wash and then go take a shower (see # 4 below)
2. While wearing a mask, your breath sucks all the airborne particles towards your face, concentrating it on the front of your mask... so be sure not to touch the front of your mask (I see people doing this constantly), but pull it off from the ear or back of the head, depending on how they stay on.
3. Leaving your nose uncovered is useless. It may utilize your body's natural air filtration system, being slightly better than breathing through your mouth,  but you can still easily breathe virus particles directly into your lungs through your nose as well as breathe virus particles directly out.
4. You do not need to wear masks outside unless you are in close proximity to people, as your breath quickly dissipates in the atmosphere (indoors it does not dissipate nearly as quickly)
5. Keep clean masks in one sealed plastic bag, and put used masks in a separate plastic bag.
6. For washing cloth masks, the CDC says putting them through the laundry is sufficient for cleaning. You can also leave them out for 24 hours for any virus particles to die off (if they are plastic or polyester, leave for 72 hours, preferably in the sun when possible).

Misc. facts

• Washing your hands is far more effective than using hand sanitizer because any remaining living virus or bacteria particles are rinsed away (I wrote a post about washing produce, which will give you more confidence in your common dish and hand soaps)
• Hand dryers in public bathrooms can kick up a lot of bacteria and virus particles, so it's best to just avoid them.

Mask Patterns

These are some good ones I've found so far...

1. CDC's guide for wearing and making face masks . This has a lot of good information and three simple patterns; one is even a simple folded bandana for people with no sewing skills.
2. HOW TO MAKE FACE MASK WITH FILTER POCKET AND ADJUSTABLE WIRE | SEWING TUTORIAL (YouTube). Here's a pattern for a cotton surgical mask with a pocket for replacing filters. It also allows the elastic band to be replaced if it breaks. I have made several of these with some modifications and everyone says these are super comfortable compared to many others. (I use a 16-gauge wire to line the width of the mask with a 1.5-inch slit in the center so you can remove the wire).
3. Joann's also has a simple mask pattern with fusible interfacing. I haven't made these, but I would be concerned about comfort with the interfacing rubbing the face and nose
4. Four different face masks... (YouTube). For a legit quarantine-worthy mask pattern, here's a video of a doctor explaining how mask tests are done, materials she used for four different types of masks, and even gives a pattern tutorial at the end of the mask which passed the test. She does mention, for small chins, this one requires tape to be fully effective. So, if you can get your hands on n95 material (or halyard as she suggests), you might be able to make a legit, fully-effective quarantine mask.
5. While I was waiting for my fabric to come in, I was drying out baby wipes and sewing them into dust masks as liners for grocery shopping (since the dust mask has a decent seal around the face, but only minimal filtration). It only takes 10 minutes to pleat a couple of dried baby wipes and quick stitch them into the inside of a dust mask. These, however, are one-time-use only dust masks because they aren't washable (or, I suppose you can set them aside for 3 days to let the virus die off and then reuse).

I will be updating this when I come across new information. Until then, I hope this helps you on your pandemic endeavors! And if you have more info to share, please do!

Other Sources:

Simple Respiratory Protection—Evaluation of the Filtration Performance of Cloth Masks and Common Fabric Materials Against 20–1000 nm Size Particles.  Some studies on masks of varying materials and their effectiveness against airborne particles as compared to n95 material.

Mask Selection Guide. One company's chart with different masks and their purposes/effectiveness.

Photo by Laura Dewilde on Unsplash