[Warning: This is a discussion about racism. Please be understanding and gracious to me and please be sensitive to others when you comment. I am going to be vulnerable here, and I honestly want feedback.]
How can I, as a white person living in America be an encouragement to my friends who are black? This is an honest question.
Sometimes I feel like I can't win; that no matter what I say, I'll just be seen as racist because I'm white. There are a lot of things I'm not allowed to say as a white person and that makes me feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Am I even allowed to say the word black? Sometimes I even avoid that description. When I bring it up around others, I'm always afraid of what might come out. And when people bring it up around me, I usually try to change the subject because more than likely I'll say something that will be taken the wrong way.
It's like when people call you crazy... any attempt to deny it makes you look crazier.
I often hear my black friends say, "Is it because I'm black?" and that insults me because it makes me think they believe I'm that shallow... I'm treating them the same as all my other friends but that one question makes me feel trapped. Is it even possible to assure someone who thinks that way that I'm not even thinking about their race? I usually think, "Don't be ridiculous! Why would I treat you any different because of your skin color? Do you really think that poorly of me?" But I remind myself that the truth is most of them have dealt with people who do treat them differently because of their skin color. It's no wonder they tend to suspect that bad things happen to them because of their race. But often I forget that. I've never been denied a job, never been kicked out of an establishment, never been unnecessarily pulled over by a cop, or been accused of crime solely because of my skin color.
I imagine it probably feels something like being a woman in vocational ministry (for lack of better terms). In most churches I've experienced, I'm not taken seriously, I'm not allowed to be a member of the board, and I would never be considered for a head pastor position, if I'm passionate I'm seen as overly emotional, and when it comes to my appearance, there's a fine line between "slut" and "lovely". I'm considered able to be in charge of "women's" ministry (which comes with a lot of stereotyping and belittling connotations) or youth or children, and that's all. But I just love people, and I love the gospel. Why should I be confined or expected to fit a certain mold? And most men think that I'm being ungrateful or B8%@#y when I talk about these things. It's because they don't have to deal with it in their own lives. Not all of them treat women that way, so for them, it doesn't really exist.
And I must admit, I've had that same attitude towards black people when they start talking about racism. I don't treat people a certain way because of race, so for me it's ridiculous to even bring it up. I tend to mirror the people I'm around, but it's not a race thing, it's a personality thing. Yes, I have been judged because of my race. Yes I've been looked at with contempt for no real reason. Yes, I've been made fun of. Yes, I've been accused of being too white. I've been put down and treated differently because of my race. But it has never affected my ability to get ahead in life, and so when others complain about the same things, I think to myself, "get over it." But that doesn't help. It only hurts. It only makes people feel like I don't actually care about what they're going through. I don't want to be that person.
I'm talking about this because I had a conversation in class yesterday about systemic racism and how a lot of the ways our economy was originally set up was to ensure that black people would be at a disadvantage. This systemic racism still exists, though not proactively as a whole. A lot of people like to act like we are way past racism, like we've already dealt with it. But there's a lot of left-over residue from the past, and it hasn't completely died. In our discussion, we asked ourselves, "Should we attempt to be a part of the conversation? And if so, what is the best way to go about it?" We discussed how difficult it is to talk about it as white Americans, and how sad and heavy it makes us feel to see the hatred and flippant dismissal of current issues (Ferguson) all over social media.
We never came up with a solid answer (though a student did suggest blogging, hence this post). And so I return to my original question: how can I as a white person be an encouragement to a black person, especially in times like these when tensions are high in many places? In what ways have I been insensitive (or in what ways are white people commonly insensitive) to the issue? Is there something I should do, or stop doing? I genuinely want to know.
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