Debates and Arguments Don't Win People Over.

I'm always reading blog after blog from members of my demographic: Christian twenty or thirty somethings who have been blogging since Xanga was popular and are figuring out life as newlyweds, new parents; those who are starting their new career paths, or are lamenting the fact that they haven't established their career or families yet... young adult Christians who are starting to verbalize the convictions that have been brewing in their subconscious. They are deciding whether they agree or disagree with what they've been taught; they are making conclusions about life and setting up guidelines for how they want to live; and they are declaring it to others in their Facebook circles. Obviously I am one of these people. Here I am, after all, blogging on a blog site that is devoted to expressing my theological beliefs.

I am particularly interested in what people believe about God, love, life, and church. That's my world. I'm a minister, (or counselor to be more specific) whether I like it or not. I naturally operate that way. I want to help people understand the gospel, which leads to finding happiness in God, and which subsequently leads to finding themselves. So when I read blogs, the counselor comes out. But in the virtual world, it doesn't come out nicely. It comes out mostly in bitterness, "Why do you believe this?!" or, "I have to disagree with you." or, "What are you thinking?!" Or I'll start up a debate with the motivation to win them over to what I believe is something that will ultimately help them. But no one ever changes their mind in a debate. Certainly no one has a life-altering eureka moment in an argument. The goal in an argument is to win, or at least to stand firm, so the people are always on the defensive.

Actually, I find that debates cause the opposite of my intended goal. I want to win them over to a belief that I believe is better for them, but I end up making them feel more secure in their own beliefs. It's an innate pride in me, and in my "opponent". It's the very few who have basically no pride who listen. But even the best of us have limits. You'd be a fool to just accept what anyone tells you. Wisdom informs us at least that much.

Why am I saying this? It's because I've been bombarded by blog opinions for several years now, and I'm noticing trends. I want to debate with each of these people individually. And I have all too often done so. My husband likes to point out when I come off as a jerk on Facebook, for which I'm grateful. Sometimes in my haze of good intentions, I come across as a digital troll. And sometimes I've just had a bad day.

So, slowly I've been training myself to stop. When I see something I want to respond to and I find myself getting heated, I write the response elsewhere, either on my phone, or on my computer, and I think on it. Eventually I decide that it's not worth posting. Because in all honesty, it's not people I'm fighting against, it's mindsets. But in the form of a written argument, people get hurt or offended, and that's not my intention.

And that's what this blog is for: it's a way to turn my responses to other peoples' ideas into a discussion about the ideas themselves.