Your vineyard.

Dark am I... daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect. Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends? (Song of Solomon 1:5-7 NIV)

I recently heard an interpretation of this scripture that I had never heard; one that spoke directly to my heart.

The mother represents the church, and the sons, the leaders of it.  The woman had spent all her time tending other fields--their vision--but had neglected her own, and she was dark, not in complexion, but in spirit.  She was tired and empty.  And then she asks the question, why should I be like this?

In my case, "what is the point of this?"

What is the point of merely working and serving the church when your own heart is brushed to the side?  You do not glorify God wasting away, being miserable.  You do not fulfill the purpose God created you for if you're merely some other person's puppet, neglecting your own life.

Later on in the scripture, the woman comes up out of the desert, leaning on the arms of her lover, and soon after has many of her own vineyards.  She did nothing but lean on Him and her life bore fruit and multiplied.

I am leaning on Him because that is my last option.  That is all I have.  Everything else is pure misery.  It is vanity.  It is useless.  I am in love with my maker.