Before the last post about returning to America, I haven't typed an honest blog in a long time. I
know some of you have been wanting to hear about our adventures, and earnestly
waiting for the update... But I haven't been the most faithful in that area in
the past couple of years for a few reasons...
First of all, I have written many blogs, I've
just not posted them. I've learned the hard way that people nowadays are too
combative online, so I have to really think through my posts. People are
confusing opinion with facts these days, so they were mercilessly punching
holes in all my arguments, and judging it as though it were a scholarly
document, rather than simply discussing the ideas like my friends used to. So when I write an opinion, I just end up realizing I haven't researched the subject enough to have a right to an opinion... not if I don't want to feel embarrassed, anyway.
Then there's the fact that things have gotten too
political. I've learned that to even mention our president's name guarantees
that someone will feel the need to word-vomit all their political views about
him and the current events surrounding him right then and there. Online as well as in person! They will automatically assume my position and start arguing on some recent point I am unaware of, or defending their
stance, without even giving context to the argument... I stopped feeling like I was being
heard--really listened to--but rather just being talked at, and that made me
hesitate to say anything. Many of you probably relate. Hesitating to speak is probably for the better anyway...
It used to be that people knew me, and so they
would take the time to listen and consider all I say based on our relationship,
and make an effort to understand the nuances of my opinion or argument. That
still happens in my life, but only on a personal, face-to-face level; not
online. And I'm glad for it. I think I've learned that online posts aren't the
place to be debating, because there's never enough context and therefore misunderstanding
is inevitable.
But, more than that, I was in a new realm of
leadership in Israel that made me realize I couldn't just say whatever was on
my mind--not on the internet, anyway. I didn't have the luxury of having the
"well, this is me, so un-follow if you don't like it," kind of
attitude. Plus I'm not a fan of that kind of attitude anyway. What you say
online has the exact same consequences as what you would say to someone in
person… we just don’t see it, so we are unaware of it. But if you wouldn’t say
it to your friends or family, and they see it online, they are affected just as
they would be if you said it to their face.
I also used to be super preachy online too, but
that's mainly because I'm a natural teacher and I didn't have an outlet for my
favorite subject, which is theology. I did get better by creating a blog to
catch most of my musings. Still, I often posted cryptic posts on social media about the gospel.
But for the past three years I was given a place to preach the gospel. And so I didn't feel the need to preach on Facebook anymore. I was privileged to be able to actually
teach in an international setting, which of course also taught me many things.
I love learning about different cultures, and hearing how they conceptualize
the gospel. To be honest, I've found that it's an amazing phenomenon; people
from all over the world can come together and often it feels like we've all
been taught in the same Sunday school classes growing up. While people may
differ on the minor issues, the gospel is truly universal. Of course, other
times, it feels like you've come from different planets.
But I now know how the preachy-ness on social
media comes across to those who aren't passionate about theology. So I learned.
But in the past couple of years, I’ve hardly posted anything at all… Not even things about my everyday life...
Another layer compounding my lack of
voice online was the fact that, in Israel, I became exposed to all kinds of different
streams of faith--and areas of conviction-- that I never even dreamed of. And I was making friends who were part of them. E.g. I never thought
I'd have to defend the reason I celebrate Christmas to Christians! I never
thought I'd be criticized for using the English form of Jesus' name (versus the
Hebrew form, Yeshua). There were also so many other little things... So I felt I needed to be more cautious about what I
emphasized, because I was learning what was acceptable in this new culture.
And then I started becoming aware of my
"American-ness," or rather, my "Western-ness." I was
learning that certain things I thought or believed were simply just the
opinions of my culture rather than universal principles. I finally began to
"see the water I swam in" as my professor, Desiree Libengood used to
say. There are so many other ways to think and do things in the world, it
humbled me. I was learning what it means to have an international mindset, and
I haven’t been so confident in my voice on the internet.
But despite all this, I'm still me, and I love to
express myself in writing. I've been needing to set aside time to find my voice
again. And I feel I can now take the time to really think it through. So,
here's to more discussion and musings.
Ask me any questions if you like, otherwise, I'll be posting.
