Fear of Rejection is a Powerful Thing....
(I was listening to this song while writing this, and thought it was worth sharing)
We live in a time where people love to get outraged about issues and take up causes they know little about. And instead of taking action and doing something about real problems, we'd prefer to argue amongst ourselves about falsehoods on internet forums where real confrontation never actually happens. We'd prefer to eject our "crazy" friends and family members from our lives. We think we've improved the world by doing so. We think we've taught the world a lesson, but really, we've only made our own worlds smaller.
Politicians are our new preachers and political parties our new churches. We're getting our morals and thinking from those who by nature--and historically--have always had greedy and power-hungry underlying agendas. And we're getting our stories from people who make money by sensationalizing everything. We should know better. But we eat whatever we're served. We let the algorithms choose our meals, and now we're malnourished, fighting over scraps. We tell ourselves we're making the world a better place by passing along this propaganda. We feel special because we think we have "the truth."
But then we shut down real critical thinking, and refuse to accept confrontation or answer genuine questions because we've been programmed to see anyone who thinks differently as so morally depraved, they're not even people to us anymore. They're not even worth relationship. They're worse than just backsliders. We fail to see the benefit of even trying to understand their perspective, because we apparently already know what it is... We have no problem baring our teeth, and letting people feel the bite of our own festering bitterness.
Our perception of reality is so skewed, and we have all the scriptures... er, I mean charts and articles and statistics--we've taken out of context and cherry-picked to prove our thinking is absolutely correct. One side thinks the other are all murderers and the other side thinks... the exact same thing. It's all based on moral superiority. And we feel justified. We shut down deep discourse with dismissive snap judgments and virtue-signaling because we're too good for that nonsense. We have a superiority complex. For many of us, it's all about the fear of rejection: we must appear "virtuous," and point the finger so we don't get labeled and dismissed first.
This is textbook cult-behavior. Tribalism is the word for it. I know because I used to be part of a toxic cult-like situation. Then my thinking changed and I eventually got out. I spent a lot of years processing and de-programming myself from this trauma...
America is acting like two big cults now, left and right. It's a familiar feeling to me, when I realize a person's ideals are so important, they have become like landmines I must tiptoe around. It's a sort of crushing tension you feel when you've gotten a little too close to a subject and you can feel the bitter snap when they start to push back. You have to keep your guard up. You can't get too honest. You can't say buzzwords or they'll assume they know everything you believe. They'll stop listening. I have to fight against my own mind. I have to coach myself to stop allowing these things to dictate my choices. It's even worse because in the Midwest, these are often silent landmines. One wrong step, and you'll never know if you've lost a friend forever, because they might not even tell you. They'll just decide you're crazy and walk out of your life. Midwesterners do not like confrontation. Maybe they'll post something vague on social media, after they've blocked you, about why they feel justified rejecting you... but you'll never see it...
Surely not everyone fits into the two boxes our politicians and news media is trying to slot us into. If I exist, there are more like me... but it can be hard to keep that in mind when more of the people around me, not just the media, are doing the labeling now. The programming is working. Everyone wants me to repeat a certain script, but honestly, I don't know either side's script... And I have to fight the fear that even those closer to me might eventually slot me into their "other" categories when it becomes clear that my views don't fit their scripts... But I won't let that stop me from being me. Authenticity is important to me, and people are worth the risk.
Listen, sermons are a dime a dozen. Anyone can spout off ideologies. Anyone can repeat what their "preachers" have preached. Anyone can pass along a meme or video or article to feel better about themselves. Anyone can overgeneralize about an entire people group... But just because a person ascribes to a certain ideology, it doesn't mean they have the character to match. People can keep up appearances for a long time, especially when they're afraid of rejection. What I believe the government should or shouldn't do next doesn't tell you whether or not I'm loyal or trustworthy. So then, if you want to pick your friends solely on what you perceive their ideology is... well... hopefully you don't learn the hard way, like I did, that those things can fall flat when you go off-script; when you actually, truly need someone.
