Robbing the Giver of Joy

Giving a Little is Not a Bad Thing...

I have a lot of guilt associated with giving. Most of the stories I’d been taught about the joy of giving were on an Ebenezer Scrooge scale, where the impact of giving is massive. Well, I’m not a millionaire who can change people’s lives with my money, so, what I had always seemed pitiful. And what good was I really doing with my measly dollar when I passed a homeless person on the street? They couldn't do anything with just a dollar! What joy I might have experienced from giving was overshadowed by this shame. 
I eventually devoted my life to giving. I reasoned that instead of money, my time would be valuable enough to make a difference… I spent a great deal of time serving the poor and being a spiritual guide and counselor—all things which I found brought me great fulfillment.

When I moved to Israel, things were different. I was specialized in ministry, and not directly serving the poor. And I was running three ministries, which gave me no extra time to do so. And in Israel, homeless people are much more audacious and pushy. They put on a frown and ask you, “Will you be righteous?” as they shake their cup of coins at you. You’d think, as someone who served the poor and homeless for seven years of her life, that I would have learned how to deal with these feelings and know what to do. But I found myself being overwhelmed. In the short five-minute walk from my apartment to work, I passed two or three homeless people every day, and more when I would pass by our own soup kitchen on the ground floor. Even more who would come up to pray in our prayer room. In the grocery store and market, they would be there huddled with their cups. When I would sit down to eat outside at a restaurant with friends, homeless people would come to our table asking for our spare change, always appearing just as our food was arriving at the table for maximum guilt. The restaurant owners wouldn't shoo them away; this was a normal thing in Israeli culture. Homeless people were in every place I went.

Because of this overload, I went through a strange process. At first, often I would just pull the biggest bill out of my wallet and put it in someone's cup, but I couldn’t afford to do that. And I couldn’t cope feeling emotional every time I saw someone in need, compelled to do something I couldn't afford. So because of this, I stopped giving altogether. And that made me feel worse. It made me feel bad about my own lack of generosity. I found myself directing this guilt at the homeless people themselves, being angry at the mere presence of them, acting insulted when they would ask for spare change, especially at the restaurant! I justified my anger by saying to myself that they are probably scammers or using the money to get alcohol… or worse, I would shut down and feel nothing.

I knew this was wrong—it wasn't me. I had become a miser. I wanted to be generous, but I realized I had a lot of guilt in this area. I wanted to overcome this and have a healthy mindset about it. I wanted to be a cheerful giver, but I didn't know how to be. I finally mentioned my guilt to a friend and counselor, Katherine Snyder, and she said something that hit me...

It's okay to just give a little.

           It's almost hilarious how simple and obvious this is, but somehow it had never occurred to me. It was so significant because finally a spiritual leader wasn't acting like the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. I wasn't being pushed to "be radical" and give my left arm for those who don't have one. I wasn't being made to put myself in someone's shoes and see how terrible their life is compared to mine. And I wasn't made to feel like I wasn't enough... 
God does not expect us to live in guilt, and Katherine pointed this out. She also said that just as I don't want others to live in poverty, God doesn't want me to live in poverty by giving too much! She suggested that, since I care about this, I should be more intentional and carry spare change so I could give something when the opportunity presented itself. And just that simple advice freed me.

I started taking change from my coin jar and bringing it in a separate coin purse while out on the street for that very reason. I was able to still contribute something while being freed from having a moral crisis five times a day.

Katherine helped me see that this is a Biblical principle. Leviticus 23:22 says: “When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and for the foreigner residing among you. I am the LORD your God.” God laid out a reasonable way for us to regularly help those in need. He tells us not to be stingy, and to give our extras. It truly IS a good thing even when it doesn't look like much.
So what if the person on the corner might be scamming you? So what if her jacket looks expensive? So what if he got a haircut? So what if they have some possessions you think they ought not to have? So what if they waste your charity on beer? 

Why does a person have to have no dignity in order for us to feel better about giving?

          God didn’t say, "monitor and guard the edges of your field to make sure only the poorest of the poor are getting the benefit"… He also didn’t say to withhold your extras so they can't turn around and use it for wine... We want to feel that we are actually helping someone, so we want them to use wisely the little money we give them. It’s ironic, but on some level our withholding is motivated by compassion. If you want to give, and that kind of thing truly concerns you, there are many other ways to give than to hand your dollars to un-vetted homeless people. For example, so many homeless people just need a pair of socks. Women in shelters often go without feminine products. Someone on the street might just need a couple of quarters to wash their clothes at the laundromat. These are small but important things, to which we can all relate. Of course there are so many more ways to give...

My point is that many of us are subconsciously told our extras are not enough, and often that discourages us from giving entirely. Even outside of the church, American generosity is extreme; you see TV shows where people are given entire houses or life-changing make-overs, or new vehicles. We see regular people given checks for thousands of dollars to enable them to reach their dreams. It's exciting, heart-warming, and so beautiful. When we can make a difference, we shouldn't hesitate! And it is SUCH a joy!
In contrast, seeing all that extreme generosity can make our extras seem pitiful and not worth giving. But that's not true. It's worth it! Most of us are living just within our means and only have little to spare. That's okay. Let's have joy in giving what we can. If you’re like me and you do care, putting on a proud façade is just an unhealthy way of coping with that desire to give. Sure—your spare change won’t transform someone’s life forever. But it doesn’t have to. It might just get them through to the next meal, and that’s everything to someone who is hungry.

(Read Part 1 called, "Robbing the Doubter of Faith,")

Photo by Tom Parsons on Unsplash