Stream of Thought for the Day

I'm sitting in my bedroom in the dark with the window open listening to the sounds of the city; loud Middle Eastern male voices singing in semitones echoing from somewhere far, police car sirens, car horns... Dustin is in the other room learning how to see those 3D stereoscopic images that were popular when I was in middle school. He's apparently never seen the hidden pictures. It's like he's a big kid finally figuring out the trick (It's those pictures you have to cross your eyes to see the hidden image). He suddenly gasped and said, "I SEE IT! SUSAN! I FINALLY SAW IT! IT'S 3D!" Haha. What a cutie.

Today was the last day of the feasts, and there were crowds on my street around a group of men carrying giant ornate golden cylinders (probably cases containing the Torah scrolls) above their heads, jumping and dancing in a circle, and chanting. There was hardly any room to squeeze by. I was just leaving to enjoy the day out with the Gepperts. I always love talking to Jalene and hearing her talk about her life in the animated way she does, and watching Daniel make jokes with Dustin. The Gepperts are precious people. We walked through the old city and then finished the day with ice cream in En Karem. They have some of the best parve ice cream I've ever had. It's so creamy, you'd never know it wasn't dairy. Ella was extra tired and cranky, and wanted to climb all the steps and pet all the dogs and cats and birds, and she tried hard to stick her head through all the iron rod fences. Then she crashed (as in fell asleep hard) in her stroller sitting up, which she has apparently never done. She was that tired. Ha. She's cute.

The last time I went with the Gepperts to the old city, they showed me a spice store which has revolutionized my life... never have I understood the joys of sumac or paprika... These spices are so vibrant! all the spices I've bought from other stores seem bland compared (and are pricier too!).

This month has seen many holidays. People set up "succas" (tents) in the streets and have been eating their dinners in them. The synagogue on my street has been full of life in the evenings, with men chanting and singing songs that remind me of fun bar choruses, and a lot of crying babies waiting around outside in strollers with their moms. My counselor told me that the synagogue is a noisy place, and I now understand.

This month has also been ugly in America. The election is bringing up two major issues to my mind: gender tropes, and authoritarianism. All the craziness and scandal aside, I can see so much sexism against Hillary in this election. And I see so much fear and hatred and slander. It's a circus of ugly. They should just shorten the drama by forcing elections to last three months, and only allow candidates to advertise their policies. And the news media is a joke these days. It's so slanted and biased and petty... And I'm so frustrated with my Facebook community for perpetuating the worst kind of that news media. Slander is the theme of the month. And good Christian people are taking part in it with enthusiasm. Apparently celebrities are exempt from the scriptures that tell us not to slander our neighbors...

And yet, America still stands as a beacon of light to me: my home, the place I feel welcome, where my family lives, where life is convenient, and where women can be leaders... I thought America was behind the times in terms of progress for women's rights. I'm realizing it's among the more progressive countries on earth.

I'm enjoying a now moment. Most of the time my mind is on the next project or next thing because I'm afraid I'll revert to my forgetful self if I let go of these tasks. I'm afraid I'll fail to complete things in a timely manner. But I'm desperate to live in a state of peace. I have a deep well of peace from which to drink, and yet I often--instead of drinking--circle it, trying to mentally hold in queue all the tasks of the upcoming week. Even though I've had some time off, I've been taking on some extra responsibilities during the holiday season with all of the regular people away. But tonight, I am giving my mind some space.

I just figured out that the music echoing is a nearby concert. The dude is playing a clarinet. I heard the crowd whistling and cheering. Sounds fun! Luckily my window is very soundproof.

What Makes Me Happy - Lessons Learned

All my life, my dream has been to travel the world.

Now that I've taken the first big step by actually committing to several years in a foreign country, I have realized some things.  I spent a lot of time believing that this kind of life change would be the key to my happiness. This is what I've always dreamed of doing! I kept thinking, "Everything will be better when I move overseas," or, "I won't have this problem when..." And yes, so many things have changed in my life for the better. Moving to Israel has brought a great deal of personal satisfaction. But, this move across the world has not fulfilled me the way I thought it would.

I still feel generally the same as I felt in other situations in life. I am still the same person who struggles with being on time, and tends to put off my personal needs for the sake of my job or friends. I still want to do it all and take on too many things at once. I still struggle with similar stresses and still find myself in similar circumstances.

We can spend a lot of time believing that the next life change is the key to our happiness; whether it be a change of location, or a new relationship. We can spend a lot of time thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. And sure! There are a lot of new and fantastic things to be experienced in this life. And we should pursue better, especially if we're in oppressive situations. But long-term, true happiness is not something that we can obtain from our circumstances or from the people around us... or even from our work! If that's what we look to for lasting happiness (or joy as some would prefer to define it), then we'll always be disappointed. When we look to these things, we'll always feel that void--the tick that makes us fill our bellies too much with food, or work too late in the night, spend too much money on things, self-medicate, overspend, overreact, over-consume... These things fade, and after a while we find ourselves once again longing for the next change; we fantasize about the next place to travel or some new and dreamy romantic interest, and we convince ourselves this is what we need to feel fulfilled.

It's not.

I'm literally living my dreams--married to the sweetest loving husband, and doing the things I've always said I wanted to do, and I'm even eating healthier and feeling more energy, and I have a better attitude in general.--and yet I still feel generally the same as I did before I arrived here. I'm utterly grateful for my life today, and yet, I'm still tempted to think that the next new life change will complete me. Am I crazy?

So, what is the key to my happiness?

It's Christ. I'm serious. I mean that with all my heart. There is literally nothing that fulfills me except Him. And when I spend time with Him, when I meditate on who He is, all of my other joys become more vibrant: I love my husband more deeply, I find my time with loved ones to be more meaningful, I find more inspiration for my music, I find my hobbies more satisfying. My heart is happy in Christ.

I remember reading Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (NIV) and wondering what the secret was... What I realized is that there's no secret I must find out in order to be content, the secret is literally being content in every situation. And Christ Himself is my contentment. He's everything.

Let us drink deeply from the never-ending happy well-spring of life that is Jesus Christ, Yeshua Messiah, the one whose death secured our place with Him in heaven.

Psalms 37:4 (NIV) Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.