The Mothers In My Life

Me and my mom, a few years ago.

My mom (Michelle Miller) is basically a queen in terms of motherhood.  I'm just saying: her (and my dad) somehow raised nine kids who are now all very intelligent and awesome people.

This French Canadian woman birthed five girls and four boys out of her loins.  I calculated the total time she was pregnant in her life and it adds up to almost seven years.  I could never be pro-choice, because if my mother considered convenience a virtue, I wouldn't have been born. If she had stopped at the average family size, three to five kids, I wouldn't be alive... If she stopped at seven kids, I would not be here on earth.  I am her eighth child.  And then she birthed my little sister.  If she had stopped with me, I wouldn't have had Anne to hang out with all my life.  It would have been one miserably lonely existence without Anne.  Her and I were always together.

Shortly after Anne was born.  (I'm the blonde girl in red)

Before I continue, I need to make this disclaimer:  I'll be posting about my dad later (because it's not father's day yet) so, don't get me wrong, he's an amazing man, and he had a part in all of this.

My mother is one of the most generous, least materialistic people I know.  She will give you the shirt off of her back and the food out of her fridge.  She always made sure we ate healthy meals growing up and kept it interesting, making a variety of ethnic foods: Portuguese soup, French gallettes, Korean ribs, Indian rice, lamb roasts, fried rice and stir frys, many large pots of delicious soups, and salads as often as possible.  Thankfully she taught me many skills in the kitchen (my husband appreciates that!).

Her first language was French.  Now she also speaks English, Spanish, and Portuguese.  She has a degree in Christian counseling, and dabbles in real estate.  She also has had many hobbies including floral arrangements, soap-making, lotion-making, and is an expert (more or less) in vitamin supplements.  I have many horrid memories of swallowing piles of vitamins with breakfast, which she always made for me all the way through high school.

My first year away from home I went through two weeks of depression, only eating microwaved mini triscuit pizzas, because I would no longer be eating my mother's cooking.  Then I realized I had lots of skills, and bought my own groceries and cooked delicious meals from then on.  I was thankful for those skills, (and I have to give my sisters credit for teaching me many of those skills as well).

My mother has a tenacious spirit, a jovial demeanor, the goofiest sense of humor, and the most beautiful smile.  It's that Vezina smile that her and all her sisters possess that I love.

She is a woman of Godly devotion.  Though her path has sometimes taken unexpected turns, she always stayed true to what she believed to the best of her ability.  I am learning that beliefs can and should change as we grow and mature in our faith.  And that is what has happened in her life.  

I am thankful for my mother so much and I want to take a moment to honor her for her perseverance.  One child can make a person crazy; the nine of us drove our parents out of their minds, haha.  I am so thankful to have so many siblings.  Each one of them is a blessing in my life.  They are all highly intelligent, caring, and level-headed people, each having overcome major adversity in their lives and have always been examples to me in how to live life.

On that note, I want to say a few things about my big sisters.  Each of them has taken care of me in motherly ways and I am a better person for it.  

Parents, me, Adrian, Patricia, Gregory, Bernadette, Anne, Therese, Matthew, Vincent

Patricia has always been there for me in every way.  I lived with her and her husband Phil for a year when I was fourteen.  Both of them taught me a great deal about respect and trust during that time.  She is such a joy to be around and is one of the sweetest women I know.  Now she is a mother of six amazingly talented kids and is still an example to me.

Therese was my biggest cheerleader in life.  Anne and I used to run to her bed in the mornings when we were little and she would shower us with much needed hugs and words of affirmation and love, calling me sweetheart and Anne cutie.  When I would visit her as a teen, I'd always go home with something from her closet (some items I still have and love). She encouraged me in my art and my education and is now a wonderful mother of one gorgeous boy.

Bernadette cooked many meals for us kids when she was in high school.  I still remember her spaghetti, which is to this day my favorite spaghetti. She is an example to me of sacrificial love.  She truly has a servant's heart.  I remember once she sent me a check for $60 when she knew I needed it, when she was in college and in debt.  She was there for me when my brothers would get the best of me.  And her humor always lightened my seriousness (I was a very serious kid).  I think I cried the hardest when she left for college because I relied on her very much.  She is now a mother of two super cute boys.

I also want to give honor to my new mother-in-law, Sharon Brant, who intentionally took me for a night out at the movies and welcomed me into her family.  That gesture meant the world to me.  She is such a strong, level-headed, sensible, and organized woman.  I aspire to have at least half the organizational skills that she has.  I am amazed at how much she gives to those she loves; how much sacrifice and thoughtfulness goes into her love.  I really miss our talks in the kitchen.  I'm so blessed to have gained such a wonderful new mother in my life.

I also can't wait to get to know Dondi Wise better.  Dustin and I recently met her just before we moved to Minneapolis.  She is the precious woman who gave birth to the love of my life.  What a selfless act to have given up her flesh and blood so he could have a better chance at life.  Yet another reason I will never be pro-choice.  Had she not given up Dustin for adoption, I wouldn't have been blessed to marry such an amazing man.  Thank you, Dondi for all that you went through.  I can't imagine the pain, but I am so grateful.

Finally, I want to give credit to Carolyn Ulrich.  What a spiritual rock she has been to me in my recent years.  She's helped me through so much and brought so much peace to my heart with her unconditional love.  Her perspective has been so valuable to my life.  Her presence in my life has brought so much healing in ways she will never know.  

There are so many more women who have made an impact in my life.  I know God loves me because I have been blessed to have been mothered by some of the best.  Happy Mother's Day.  I hope that this day you truly know how important you are and how loved you are.  Thank you for who you are in my life.  I am so much better for having known you.  I love you!

Twelve Tone Music Is Making Me Crazy, Yet Smarter...

My stomach is in knots over this mess.  

I can't decide what I think about Schoenberg's twelve tone musical system.  He took everything that 16th, 17th, 18th, and 19th century composers did and threw it all out the window in an attempt to break free of the established musical forms.  Since there are twelve half notes in a scale, he made a system of composing music in which a person cannot reuse the same tone.  So you have to use all twelve tones in a series (any order, really).  You can transpose it, reverse it, invert it, make some chords out of it, but what you get is a piece with no tonal center and no functional harmony.  Here is an example of the results of using this system.  The piece is played with excellence.  Since it is so foreign to the ear and there's nothing to grab hold of, anyone attempting to play or sing this music has serious talent...  while sounding terrible at the same time.  Professionals making a profession out of sounding terrible with excellence...

So that's my explanation of it.

But it's making me crazy, and yet somehow... liberated?  Yes.  I do feel liberated.  At first I was determined to hate everything about it because the music itself sounds so foul to me.  It's like drinking a glass of straight-up apple cider vinegar; not quite painful, but not quite pleasant either.  Then I had this assignment in which I had to compose a twelve-tone piece, and I actually felt a new sensation...  like a tingling in my brain.  New pathways were being formed because I was hearing sounds that were totally unfamiliar to me.  I started playing with intervals and rhythms in a way that I had never considered.  It was so fun and freeing!

But now that I've moved forward with the actual writing, I think I'm going a little crazy.  My stomach is all twisted up because the music itself has no beauty and no resonance.  Is it really liberating, or is it just an illusion?  Has Schoenberg really just put chains around it and forced it into a system that goes against its nature?  It's like trying to force a square peg in a round hole.  It might fit in there, but it's not a great fit.

I'm just not convinced that this system is all that great, and I definitely have a difficult time enjoying it.  I suppose it's all relative, since I do know people who enjoy this stuff.  I was falling madly in love with everything that led up to this system, like Chopin and Debussy's works.  And then Schoenberg just crossed the line of insanity.  Everyone was dancing around it.  He straight up crossed it.  In fact a bunch of 20th century composers gave music a giant punch in the face.  Let's not mention John Cage, who was on to something with his "prepared piano" (sonata V here), but that was more percussive than melodic.  When I learned about his 4'33" orchestral piece (which is "four minutes, thirty three seconds", even though it looks like four feet thirty three inches) I almost passed out.  You'll have to Google that one.  I thought to myself, "Am I the only one who thinks this guy is crazy?"  I was angry, to be honest.  All these 20th century composers were on acid.

But in all honesty, I think there is a place for all this... and I'm trying to convince myself of it right now... seriously though... if Schoenberg's system has gotten me to expand my horizons musically, then I can definitely see the purpose in teaching it.  It actually does make me a better musician; you'll understand when you see what this girl has done with it (she's fun).  It has helped me to see outside the box, and for that I can appreciate it.

However, you won't find this twelve tone music in any of my everyday listening queues.  I really hate it.  I can't deny it.  Maybe someday I'll learn to appreciate it.

Side note:  I've been listening to several different varieties of John Cage's pieces the entire time I've been typing this, and I'm thoroughly convinced he had little to no musical skill to boot.  I don't know how he was truly recognized as a musician or an artist, except that he had the skill to notate.  (I mean, have you heard this stuff?!)  That's what my nephew sounds like when he bangs at the piano with his little hands.  Okay, fine, this piece has dynamics...  but seriously.  I suppose one might try to recreate it for the challenge of the atonality and lack of stable rhythm; to break out of the box. But this song is killing me...

Who Merits Eternal Life? Me or Christ?

I want to share a conversation that recently happened on Facebook between me and a friend of mine.  I love these long, well-thought-out written discussions.

This is what I posted on Facebook:

• "Some pastors pore over the injustice of preaching "hyper-grace"... But is there any other kind? Partial grace? Somewhat grace? "Only if" grace? Conditional grace? Give me grand, hyper, supercalifragilistic grace!!! Grace is scandalous because it is freely given at all times. People try to put conditions on it, like we can only have it if we try to clean up our act... There is nothing keeping you from God, not even that sin. And its not up to you to fix it. trust in Jesus to make you whole. Jesus died on the cross and it is Him who makes us holy, not our lifestyle. Our choices don't make us pure, Christ makes us pure. Our value systems don't make us righteous, HE is our righteousness. Our attitude doesn't bring us joy, HE is our joy. Our actions don't gain His love and approval, He already loves and accepts us. Cast your cares on Jesus. And trust in Him. He is your hope and your future. He is the light that shines in your darkness. He is your peace, and your joy. All other pursuits faded away. But He is everlasting, the ecstatic source of unimaginable bliss that never ends. He is the restorer of innocence and purity. And He believes in you, and knows the great things you are capable of. After all, He made you. Grace is unending, flowing from God to us an through us. Don't let anyone make you think you have to earn it."

Almost immediately I got a message from this very good friend.

• "Dear Susan, I saw your post about grace and my immediate inclination (for better or worse) was to respond, so here it is! I think I know where your pastors are coming from, and I think they have a valid point. I think all of the alternative to "hyper-grace" that you offered (partial, somewhat, "only if", conditional) are certainly all false ways to think about grace, and the pastors who hold that sort of conception need to be convinced of the complete, grand and supercalifragilistic nature of grace!! That being said, I think the problem lies not on the side of grace, but on the side of us. The overly complicated phrase that popped into my head that describes my dissatisfaction with what I perceive to be your understanding of grace is "Applied Neo-Monophysitism". Monophysitism was a heretical teaching on the nature of union of the human and the divine in Christ. It taught that the human nature was assumed by the divine in such a way that it was "engulfed" or completely assimilated into the divine, so that there was really only one nature in Christ--the divine. When this position was refuted, adherents still tried to construct a similar doctrine--the most popular one for awhile held that Christ had a true human nature, except in his will which was taken over by the divine will. Even these compromise positions were refuted and the true teaching of Christ was proclaimed--he is true God and true man, complete in two nature, united in one person. The reason why this was so important is that if the Son of God did not become man, we are not saved. If he took on only part of human nature, or if the result of the Incarnation is some new nature that is above (and therefore not identical with) that of ours, then we are not saved. So that's all background to the present tension. Just as the Monophysites upheld the divinity of Christ in such a way that his humanity was truncated, rather than sanctified, so this "hyper-grace" idea seems to overlook the reality of our humanity and rather than really sanctify it. Many of your statements are undisputable: Jesus makes us whole, we must trust in Him for all, and grace can accomplish all things. But at other times, this "hyper-grace" also seems like an exclusive grace. You say "our choices don't make us pure," I say they do if we make our choices in Christ. You say "our value systems don't make us righteous," I say they do if they are from Christ and lived in Christ. You say "our attitude doesn't bring us joy," but it does bring us joy if our attitude is from Christ. You say "our actions don't gain his love and approval," but our actions are those of Christ and indeed are worthy of all love and approval! You say that not even sin can keep us from God, but if that is absolutely true, then Christ died in vain. (And I don't think you hold that to be absolutely true--but it sounds that way.) So that's my understanding as it stands. (I'm sure I still have a ways to go.) I think you're right about how awesome grace. Perhaps it is even more awesome than that."

Here was my response:

•  "Yeah, I am definitely not a Neo-Monophysite. I firmly hold that Christ is both natures in one: fully God and fully man. Haha. What I was trying to say was that Christ is our righteousness. Our actions in Christ, our values in Christ, our lifestyle in Christ are all fruits of righteousness, but those things are not the source of our righteousness, nor do they cause us to be righteous because then we are saying that our actions can make us worthy of salvation, and are therefore saying we don't need Christ. It is Christ who makes us holy, and it is our trusting Him to live through us that enables us to manifest righteousness. I'm giving credit where it's due, pointing to the source. There is no true righteousness apart from Him. Though we do things IN Christ, the righteousness is still from Him. As is our joy. There is no true joy apart from Christ. And though things we do IN Christ bring us joy, the joy is coming from Christ himself. I am saying that BECAUSE (sorry for the caps, I want that to be in italics, lol) of Christ's death, our sin no longer separates us from God. I am saying that our actions don't earn his love and approval because He already loves us unconditionally.  If it is our actions that cause Him to love us, then his love isn't truly unconditional."

Then he said:

•  "Thank you for the response, Susan!!
  
  I agree with almost all of it, but I'm going to respond to the two sentences with which I partly disagree. "Our actions in Christ, our values in Christ, our lifestyle in Christ are all fruits of righteousness, but those things are not the source of our righteousness, nor do they cause us to be righteous because then we are saying that our actions can make us worthy of salvation, and are therefore saying we don't need Christ." The first half of this sentence is spot on, but I think there are problems with the last part. I think part of the disagreement will go away if I affirm that the first grace we receive is wholly and completely unmerited, in no way relying on our action or willing--pure gift. But then being established in righteousness through Christ, I say we can then perform actions that merit salvation.
  
  This should at least clarify against your last point, "and are therefore saying we don't need Christ." I am saying that we can only perform meritorious actions because of the grace we have already received from Christ. So to be entirely clear, without the righteousness that comes from Christ, it is impossible to perform an action that merits anything from God. We are impotent to earn God's grace apart from his grace.
  
  That being said, I still want to say that we merit or earn eternal life and receive it as a reward. Does that sound scandalous?? Perhaps, but grace works that way. Without grace, our actions won't get us far with God. With grace (for which we need Christ), our actions can merit eternal life. To show that this is possible at all, I want to point to Christ. Christ is the one who merited all the graces of God through his passion and death. This means that Christ merited according to his human nature, offering himself up with a perfect human will, entirely united to the divine. Thus it is possible for a man to merit. What stopped us from meriting then? Our broken humanity, wounded by sin. But in grace, our humanity is restored and made pleasing to God--by grace, we love as we ought and thereby earn a reward. We couldn't have loved him unless he loved us first (before any initiative of ours), but now in his grace we can love him and receive the reward. And some proof-texts: 2 Tim. 4:8 "Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing." Col. 3:23-25 "Whatever your task, work heartily, as serving the Lord and not men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward; you are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality." I know it may sound odd to say that we merit eternal life through grace, but these seem to be the alternatives:
  
  1. If a man cannot merit eternal life, then Christ cannot merit it for us. And we are not saved.
  2. If we cannot merit by grace from Christ, then our human nature is not fully restored by grace.
  
  And one more sentence from you: "If it is our actions that cause Him to love us, then his love isn't truly unconditional." True, it is not our actions that cause him to love us but his love that causes our actions. But that his love makes our actions worthy of his love--I believe his love extends even this far."

And this was my response:

• "I am with you on that last sentence. His grace is powerful enough to change me and enable me to live holy.
  
  I used to believe that actions can merit eternal life... But I no longer embrace that concept. I don't even side-hug it (haha).
  
  I have many reasons for rejecting this idea, in addition to a scriptural basis. In Philippians 3:1-9 Paul speaks about how the works of the flesh are garbage. Note he says "works of the flesh" and then lists off righteous acts. He also says that he does not have a righteousness of his own, but that of Christ through faith. Add to this Gal 2:20
  
  I believe grace enables us to be righteous, but the actual righteousness we are given is Christ Himself. No one can boast of their righteous acts. Those verses you listed do speak of a reward, but not necessarily eternal life itself. Aside from that, The joy and satisfaction we get from doing those holy things in which grace enables us to do is Christ himself. He is our reward. Relationship with Him is most rewarding and enjoyable. But He is the one by whom we merit eternal life.
  
  I cannot agree that our actions merit eternal life because that allows for boasting, which Paul clearly states is ridiculous. Even allowing for Christ's involvement by saying that "through grace we can do righteous acts that merit eternal life" is in my opinion not what Paul was trying to say. Paul considered his efforts rubbish. Not that they were of no good result, but that they did not earn him anything because it is grace through faith that justifies us. The concept that we can merit eternal life though righteous acts is the very thing I am saying is not valid. It also doesn't line up with Jesus' parable about the kingdom of God being like the employer who hired men in the morning, promising them a certain payment and throughout the day kept hiring more workers. At the end of the day he gives everyone the same amount of money and the men who came in the morning were upset because they worked more... I forget this scripture reference, but this speaks of our reward, and how it has little to do with our actual work. Aside from the scriptural basis, I can list for you a slew of results from believing in the ability to merit salvation by acts "through grace", and compare them with the results from believing that Christ IS our righteousness, and I can tell you that in my own life the latter has had far more rewarding results.
  
  Anyway, I have totally rejected that concept (meriting eternal life by acting righteously). In fact I feel a great deal of determination to shatter it in the minds of those who are willing to hear. I consider it to be a huge stumbling block to the church. That's how strongly I feel about it."
  
  
  
  
  This conversation is still going on and unfinished, but I really feel there is much to be gained from it thus far.
  
  

For Believers Who Have Been Struggling With Sin

Here's the scenario:  A guest speaker came to your church (or a leader you know).  He spoke about how he is now free from fourteen years of homosexuality... or how he was able to resist pornography after years of struggle.  And he's telling you that now is your opportunity for freedom.  "If you want freedom, come up to the altar.  Come on, we're all family here.  Don't think about the person next to you, or what others are going to think.  If you're struggling with (insert sinful habit here), come up to this altar and let me pray for you."   He says things like, "It's now or never," or, "Don't miss this chance.  You might never get one again," or, "Don't come to me afterwards and say, 'I should have gone up.' "


But you were too afraid.  You don't want others to identify you as "that former lesbian" or "that pornographer".  So you didn't go.  Shame was too overwhelming for you.  You don't know these people around you.  Can you trust them?  You don't know!  And you've gone up before and you're still struggling with this issue.  Why go up and go through the embarrassment, when you barely have hope for change?  I mean, you've been dealing with this for years...

Now you feel even more ashamed, perhaps cowardly, and your hope for freedom has diminished because you feel that your one chance is gone.  You didn't go up.  You didn't have that speaker pray for you.  Now what?

Your chance is not gone.  It's not too late--it's never too late for you.  Freedom is still for you.  God is not limited by that one person who spoke at church.  He or she is not the only one anointed to pray for your freedom.  The last time I checked, Christ is the one who is anointed to bring freedom, and He has already done what was necessary for you to have it.  Christ is in you; in the Christian beside you.  He is not limited by time or space.  He does not only set people free in church, in a sanctuary, after a good sermon.  Those are great places to be, but God has no limits.  He's right there with you.  He knows you. 


God is not in the business of exposing people.  Did Jesus publicly shame people?  Only those who thought they had earned their righteousness by their own actions (the pharisees).  Did he embarrass people?  No.  Jesus was loving.  To the sinners, He was forgiving, even protective.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."   Hebrews 4:15-16   "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death."  Romans 8:1-2 "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children"   Romans 8:15-16 You are already a son or daughter of God.  There is no condemnation for you. "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:17   "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" John 8:36 Christ died for you.  Yes, you.  Not just for unbelievers, but for you.  His death on the cross not only enabled you to take part in salvation, but He also freed you from sin.   "The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, 'Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!' " John 1:29   Just because you have entered into salvation, it doesn't mean now it's up to you to maintain your salvation.  It's up to Christ.  Trust in Him to do it, and stop trying to fix yourself out of your own effort.  You have no power or ability to do so.  But He has given you the ability to trust Christ to do it.  He will bring you out of every struggle, out of every sinful habit.  Those sinful things are not who you are "...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Phil 1:6b "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8 And furthermore, there is no separation between you and God.  Not even your sin.  The only separation between you and God is in your own mind; it is an illusion.  He is ALWAYS with you "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."  Psa 139:7-12   "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?" Rom 8:35   "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom 8:38-39   If you long to be free from homosexuality, from pornography or addiction--from sin--trust in God.  give it to Him.  Let Him take care of it.  He WILL do it.  Freedom is for you. It is God's will, and it is for you NOW.  Believe it.   **all scripture taken from the NIV

Of Little Consequence?

I just left a leadership class in which we are studying from a book called "The Servant".  We missed a class due to snow, so the teacher rushed through this little bit at the end to get us back on track.

He began with a quote, "What you believe is of little consequence.  The only thing of consequence is what you do."  By someone I don't remember.  He followed with another quote, "You are more likely to act yourself into a feeling than you are to feel yourself into an action."  And furthermore he ended with a quote, "A thought forms an action, an action a habit, a habit a destiny."  (I am probably slightly misquoting all three of these).

The students "amen"-Ed that first one, agreed with the second one and really "ooh"-ed and "ahh"-ed that last one.

I cringed the entire time.  Your beliefs are of little consequence?!  Yikes!  If you've read any of my earlier posts, you'd know I continuously emphasize how our beliefs are the basis for all of our actions.  

Saying that your beliefs are of little consequence but only your actions are of great consequence is like saying that the roots of a tree is of little consequence, only the part that's above ground is. Or like the captain of the Titanic saying the underneath of an iceberg is of little consequence, only the part above water is.  Or it is like a builder saying that the foundation of a building is of little consequence; only the building itself is what matters...

I propose that every action you commit is based entirely on what you believe; not what you claim to believe, or what people tell you to believe, but what you actually believe deep down.  To say that actions make you who you are is backwards.  

Your actions may be the only way for others to judge who they think you are, but things are not always what they seem.  A child frustrated at his parents for keeping him from doing what he wants doesn't see that they are protecting him.  Are they really oppressors as he sees them?  Is a dating couple having sex simply because they are alone together?  Is a pregnant woman a fornicator because she isn't married?  Man only sees actions, so he judges others based on it.  But God sees the heart.  If anyone knows who you are, it's Him.

Strictly psychologically speaking, actions do affect your attitude.  I am not negating this fact by saying actions come from beliefs.  There are instances when what we believe is proven wrong when we do the opposite of what we believe, but we STILL act out of hope that we are wrong.  For example: a man might be afraid of intimacy, and believe that if he reveals his inner self that people will reject him, but when he steps out and opens himself up to a good woman or to good friends, he realizes that he was wrong, and that there are some who won't reject him.  But he opened up because he believed or hoped that maybe he was wrong.

Or perhaps you're in a bad mood and you don't want to do anything, but someone suggests you go work out at the gym.  If you agree to do it, it's because you believe that it might put you in a better mood, or at least that its good for you.

When people do what they are told and disagree with what they are doing, they at least believe in some way that doing this thing will make their lives easier or will honor those telling them to do it.

Is it possible for an action to NOT begin in belief?  If you can think of a scenario, please comment.

Yes, your actions have consequences... But they began from your beliefs.  Coughing may have made my voice scratchy, but it was the virus that made me sick and cough that ultimately caused it. Why would I cough if I didn't have an itch in my throat?  Why would you do anything if you didn't have a reason to do it?  Even subconsciously?

The last quote, "a thought forms an action," and so on... It totally contradicts the first one!  In our minds is where it all starts.  People like to separate things that are intrinsically connected.  Actions are not disconnected from beliefs.  By separating the two, they are limiting their understanding and essentially only treating the scratchy throat symptoms rather than treating the virus itself.  Not that thoughts and beliefs are viruses, haha, but that they are the cause and the actions are the effect.

Ironically, earlier in the class the teacher asked us what we are passionate about, and I responded.  My passion is to help people build healthy foundations of belief.  This essentially affects what we do and the choices we make.  Our beliefs determine our actions, which determine the quality of our lives.  But that premise crumbles under the idea that beliefs are of little consequence.  Simply trying to change a habit is difficult, and often people revert to that habit in times of stress and strain.  And often difficult is changing a belief.  But once the belief is changed, the actions naturally change with it.

Sometimes changing a habit can cause beliefs to change.  But until that belief is changed, I don't consider it a true change.

And that's why I cringed.  I never did like taking pain killers...

Your vineyard.

Dark am I... daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect. Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends? (Song of Solomon 1:5-7 NIV)

I recently heard an interpretation of this scripture that I had never heard; one that spoke directly to my heart.

The mother represents the church, and the sons, the leaders of it.  The woman had spent all her time tending other fields--their vision--but had neglected her own, and she was dark, not in complexion, but in spirit.  She was tired and empty.  And then she asks the question, why should I be like this?

In my case, "what is the point of this?"

What is the point of merely working and serving the church when your own heart is brushed to the side?  You do not glorify God wasting away, being miserable.  You do not fulfill the purpose God created you for if you're merely some other person's puppet, neglecting your own life.

Later on in the scripture, the woman comes up out of the desert, leaning on the arms of her lover, and soon after has many of her own vineyards.  She did nothing but lean on Him and her life bore fruit and multiplied.

I am leaning on Him because that is my last option.  That is all I have.  Everything else is pure misery.  It is vanity.  It is useless.  I am in love with my maker.

Salvation: gift vs. reward

Beware the man who believes he's overcome sin by his own sheer will, desire, and determination.  He believes that his self-discipline, his growing character, his learning of Biblical truth, his doing of good deeds, his careful study, and his hunger and thirst for righteousness---with the help of the Holy Spirit; with some added strength given to him by the Holy Spirit--has procured victory over sin.

He believes salvation is his responsibility, and sees it as a reward for his good deeds, or at least a reward for his right desires/will.

If he sees he has overcome certain sins, he is either, 1) noticing the work that Christ has done in him and is taking credit for it, or, 2) the sin has taken on a new form and he no longer recognizes it.  His praise to God is an effort to prove himself righteous and holy in God's sight.

He does not rely on Christ, though he may think he does.  He teaches others that their desire for righteousness is what pleases God, and what get's God's attention.  He teaches that their lifestyle and their choices will determine their level of righteousness, or that it will determine their standing with God.  His sermons are full of exhortations to repent and do good, and advice on how to go about doing it.  They are full of challenges to be better and do better.  They are motivational but bear temporary fruit.

This man is always striving and eventually gets tired. The grace of God will always renew him, however he suffers much damage and has the potential to damage others merely by his oppressive, sin-focused doctrine.  His heart is heavy and full of sorrows; sorrows for the sin in his own life, and for the sin in others'.  What he mostly sees in others is their failures, because he is consumed by his own sense of failure.  The leaders in his ministry who adopt his teachings are hyper-motivated to do good deeds, but this motivation is guilt-driven, and full of striving to measure up, and they eventually burn out.  They become scarce and hesitant to volunteer.  They don't stick around for very long because their own strength does not last.


Victory over sin can only be accomplished by Christ.  The man who realizes this, and merely accepts that he did nothing to accomplish it except to receive it by the grace of God, is the one who truly experiences freedom from sin.  He knows that any good he has ever done was Christ acting through him.  This man can truly proclaim victory over sin in all humility.

He realizes that salvation is a gift, not a reward for good deeds.

If he sees he has overcome sin, he knows that Christ alone has done it, which causes him to feel profound gratitude and appreciation towards God.  His praise to God is deep, heartfelt, refreshing, ecstatic, spiritually charged, and often leading to mystical experiences.  He cannot see God as anything other than wonderful.

This man relies on Christ alone for his character, his self-discipline, his understanding, his doing good deeds, and his desires.  Christ does not give him strength, but IS his strength.  He may look like the first man in all respects, but he is truly free.  He teaches others that their righteousness does not come from their thoughts or their actions or their choices, but that Christ is their righteousness and therefore their standing with God will never change.  He never questions whether or not he is worthy of favor or whether or not he has spiritual authority because he knows that he himself did not generate his own worth, nor did he generate his own authority, but that his worth and authority are in Christ.  His sermons are always about Christ.  They always point to what Christ has done and who He is.  He is not focused on sin, though he may struggle from time to time, because he knows the responsibility of taking away sin falls on Christ (John 1:29).

He enjoys God fully because he's not tired or burned out.  He hasn't been fighting against sin out of his own strength, but has been trusting God to take care of it.  He hasn't been focused on his own performance, which leads to condemnation, but is focused on God's performance, which leads to confidence.  He's been resting in the truth of God's word and has been experiencing true joy.  He doesn't need to prove anything to God or to anyone else, because He identifies himself as a son of God.  

He's no longer focused on fixing himself and is freed up to enjoy the deeper things of God.  He knows the truth, which has set him free.