To them, allowing oneself to get caught up in terror is exactly how the enemy wins. So they just don't dwell on it. Except that when sirens sound, there is a heightened tension in everyone for the rest of the day/night. I don't believe one can be completely numb to it. When threatened by the possibility of danger, your body reacts in some way. I think it comes out like stress: if you ignore it, you just feel kinda emotional, which usually translates into anger (especially for people who don't like to deal with their emotions). So you're short with others, cautious, always suspecting people, closed off, and a little disgruntled in general. (I didn't want to be around people for the rest of the night. I just wanted to cuddle up with Dustin and watch a movie... Instead I went to young adults, which was much needed). But the typical Israeli stranger that I've run into has been short and gruff with me. When I show kindness they smile and light up like Christmas trees. They can be so warm-hearted... But until that happens, I'm just a stranger, and basically an intruder and they don't respond well to me. At least that's how I feel as a visitor to this country. It hurt me at first, because I thought, "why can't you people be nice?!" Most everyone in the states is courteous, even in the North. But I understand it a bit more now. When you're facing the reality of death, you're a little bit more serious. I think their experiences over the years have just turned into a way of life. They have tough skin but tender hearts.
My friend, Moran, said that she feels like maybe she's a little too sensitive to all these things because they can really get to her. But I don't blame her. As an outsider, everything is a huge deal to me and not normal. So to say that it shouldn't affect you is not realistic. It should affect you. I don't want my heart to harden. And I'm glad hers is not either.
I simply cannot understand how a person deals with these things apart from Christ. It must be terrible. The comfort and peace He brings is unparalleled and makes no sense. It's supernatural. I know that even if I die, I will be with Him. There's no fear in death for me, only that it will hurt my family and friends. I have no regrets, nor do I feel I have unfinished business. I fully trust and believe in my God and the grace He's given me. He's the one who makes me righteous, so I am assured that I will be in heaven. I don't have to look at my life and wonder if I've been good enough to make it. That's the beauty of the gospel: it's not about what we've done, it's about what He did.
But at the same time, I don't expect to die. And I will go on living as I am. I expect to return home safely and continue my life as before. I expect to live long and someday start a family. I expect to keep on enjoying my friendship with my sweet husband and spending time with my awesome family and friends. Life goes on, just more preciously now. Again, I love you all. :)
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