Why the Church Has a Bad Rap for Being Judgmental

As a church-goer, I was hardly aware of this stigma that follows Christians. I assumed this accusation against Christians of "being judgmental" was the natural response of guilty sinners--they just look at righteousness and feel guilty. They merely perceive judgment without there being any actual exchange. It was their own guilt that condemned them. It had nothing to do with me! I perceived myself as innocent and "unlike" my neighbors who chose to to bad things... and therein lies the irony: I did have a superiority complex which was making me come across as judgmental. And yet I considered myself to be the least judgmental person I knew!

Oh, come on, we all do it: look at others who are not doing or saying the right things, and feel disdain for them. This post is for Christians like myself, who are in the same boat as I was: subconsciously prideful and judgmental, but blind to it. Why? How is this possible? I believe this judgmental pride is the natural result of a sin-focused life. Let me explain how this works.

We go to church and time and again we hear the pastors tell us how bad we are. We hear them tell us what not to do. We hear them tell us the consequences of bad behavior. We hear them shame us for sins we've committed. We hear condemnation from the pulpit, and exhortation to do better, be better. Can we blame the pastors? After all, we are the ones doing the wrong, all they are doing it pointing it out!  We hear them give us the four ways to live a holy life, the three keys to revival, and the twelve principles of spiritual discipline--all of which tend to conclude that the only ways to get these good things lies in fixing our behavior. And so, we often feel a sense of responsibility to set things right. Then the pastor tells us that if we need to set things right, we should come down to the altar and ask God for help. We go down to the altar because we know we don't measure up and we know we need God's help because we know we're not perfect--and those people who don't go down, who do they think they are?! Are they perfect? Do they think they're better than us? Well, they should be more humble, like us! Do you see the feedback loop of judgment beginning to form?

We go home with a new sense of determination to do better and be better! We pray hard and try hard! We focus on our progress. We go to our accountability partners and talk about how bad or good we've been doing. We ask God to search our hearts so see if there is any wickedness in us. We search ourselves and try our best to flush out what bad we see. We make an effort to be constantly aware of our shortcomings lest we become blind to our sins and prideful! Lest we allow our sins to make us trip up! We try to live by a higher and higher standard than before. We try to be radical disciples. We try to go to church as often as we can to make sure we are doing right. We try, try, try...

We become self-focused and selfish. We're so focused on our problems that even our attempts to "love others" end up being attempts to improve ourselves. And when we see other people, we project our own feelings about ourselves onto them; all we see is their problems. We no longer see our neighbors as people with hearts and souls and feelings; we see them as projects. And so we treat them the way we treat ourselves: we focus on how to solve their problems. We become one-dimensional in our interaction with others and we lose our ability to truly connect. A person's value to us is then based on their ability to meet our standards. We have become judgment machines, doling out judgment all the time. We judge others subconsciously just so that we can stop feeling so terrible about our own constant failure to measure up! No wonder outsiders can't stand being around us! We can't even face our own selves!

When the subject of judgment is brought up in church, we tell each other that we are supposed to judge our fellow believers--it is our duty, in fact. The passages in scripture people love to throw around are 1 Corinthians 6:1-5 about how we must judge disputes among ourselves, Galatians 6:1, which says, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted," and James 5:19-20,

My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

And then there's 1 Corinthians 5, which contains the key: it literally tells us to judge those inside the church. Phrases like, "love the sinner, hate the sin." are tossed around. "It's their own guilty conscience projecting judgment onto us," we say (which could be true). Everyone feels justified to continue acting the way they have been, and then the discussion is over. We avoid it altogether.

But... what about the other verses about judgment, like the 10+ scriptures about how we are not to judge our brothers and sisters? Even Jesus says, "I pass judgment to no one." (John 8:15), and again says, "If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world." (John 12:47). Are we better than Jesus? If Jesus doesn't even judge people, who are we to judge? In Matthew 7:1, Jesus says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." 

There is a time and a place to address sin. I am not talking about legitimate interventions. I'm talking about a sin-focused life which produces a superiority complex in us and motivates us to judge others.

We tell ourselves, "but when I point out their sins, I'm not judging them, I'm saving them! Like Jesus!" But we repel everyone we talk to because we have that motive to fix their sins, and they can sense it! We call it, "tough love," and, "the hard truth," and we say things like, "No one wants to hear the hard truth! But everyone needs to hear it!" because how can people know they need a savior unless they first realize they are sinners? We have to save them from hell! We have to show them their sin! Except, actually, no, we don't. In fact, one of Satan's nicknames is the accuser. If we're constantly calling each other out, we do Satan's job for him. And it's the kindness of Christ that leads people to repentance (Rom. 2:4).

When we have this mindset and we try to influence (or minister to) other people, they can sense it. We cannot avoid coming across as condescending, or manipulative, no matter what our motive is. No one likes or trusts manipulation! 

Most of the time we think we are loving people; we think we are being kind by showing them "the truth," but most of the time, when we point out peoples' sin, we only push them further into it. And usually our real goal is to change them into something we find acceptable. That is rejection; we are telling them without words that they are not acceptable the way they are. When we do that, we fail to exemplify God's unconditional love. We are focused on their sin because we are focused on our sins. We are obsessed with sin! We think this is how God wants us to be, but I assure you, it's not.

Our purpose is to live a life in relationship with God, focused on Him. We do this by spending time with Him in prayer, study, meditation, and living in community with others.

My question to you then is this: do you know that God's acceptance of you is not based on your behavior? Do you know that God's love for you is unconditional? Do you know that God is not obsessed with your sin? Do you know that God values you as a person? Do you know he only hates sin because of what it does to you and the people around you? Do you believe God values you because He made you, not because you have done all the right things? Do you understand that he accepted you before you knew all the right things? In the kingdom of God, your value is not based on what you do or what you know, but on who you are. And who are you? You are loved and accepted, adopted into the family as a child of God, and there's nothing you can do to earn that. It simply is. God loves you, and nothing you do will ever change that.

Until you can accept this love for yourself, you will be unable to truly show that love to others.

I believe the church that spends more time teaching its congregation about God--who He is and who we are in Him--than it does moralizing and exhorting its congregation to be better, is the church that will actually break the judgment cycle. And I guarantee you those churches do exist.